Monday, January 11, 2016

The Weekend of Bodily Fluids and Closet Renovation

I'm not sure what it is about gross experiences that makes me want to sit down and write about it, but I think it's that when I experience something gross, I want other people to suffer with me.

(Like the time Coco kept handing me things and saying, "Tank oo!" while I was sitting at my desk for THREE MINUTES paying bills online, reaching down blindly to take whatever toy or binky or sippy cup she had in her hand. It was super cute until the day she handed me a soft, smushy dog turd, and I--after screaming, shrieking, gagging, and washing our hands--immediately had to text my mom, David, and my friend Erin. Because accidentally grabbing a handful of dog poop from your baby is not something that one should experience alone. Related: Cooper is a diva who thinks he is too good to poop in our yard, so unless he gets a walk in the morning, he poops in the finished basement. And, on at least one occasion, a temporarily unsupervised toddler collected a turd to hand over to her temporarily distracted mother.)

This weekend, we decided to reorganize our master bedroom closet, which will totally get a post of its own. For now, all you need to know is that of course such a project requires a trip to Ikea.

We went on Saturday night and took the girls. It was like a family fun date! It actually wasn't bad at all--the store wasn't crowded, and we ate dinner at the restaurant. The girls and David had Swedish meatballs, and I had meatless balls, and we were all happy. Even the shopping part was easy, as Zuzu enjoyed skipping from one arrow on the floor to the next, and admiring all the "beautiful" things. Coco was pretty content to ride in the shopping cart. Things were going so well!

It was 8:00pm before we got out of there, and as both girls were pretty tired, we decided to cruise around until they fell asleep. We transferred them both to bed, congratulated ourselves on a job well done, and opted to put off construction of the bookcase and dresser until the next morning so that we could watch Making of a Murderer because yes we are jumping on that bandwagon. 

At 10:45pm, we'd just dozed off when Zuzu came wandering in from her room, wanting to get in bed with us. David lifted her up and she snuggled in under the covers. 

I'm honestly not sure how much later it was, but the next thing I knew, I was awakened by her gagging and vomiting. 

And then David bolted out of bed. 

By the time I blearily turned on the lamp, it was already clear from the smell that she'd barfed. The lamp light revealed that she'd sat up, turned to the side, and puked all over him. Luckily, he's a stomach sleeper, so the vomit had hit him on his back and the back of his head (rather than, say, his face and mouth). At the time, though, he wasn't feeling so lucky. 

The stench was horrific (safe to say nobody at our house will be eating Swedish meatballs for a good long while). We were both fighting the urge to dry heave (well, I was flat-out dry heaving) as we proceeded to strip the bed (and strip Zuzu). David carried everything down to the laundry room, shoved it ALL in the wash together (even though I told him it was too much for one load--the smell was so bad he couldn't leave any of it on the floor of the laundry room). 

I comforted Zuzu and got her changed into clean pajamas and cleaned up--she actually had managed not to really barf on herself. Then she and I relocated to her room to go back to sleep while David showered and remade our bed. 

She woke up and puked two more times during the night (fortunately I had a stack of old towels ready to catch the barf) which meant that I slept NOT AT ALL, because every time she stirred, I was sitting up saying, "Are you going to throw up?" and grabbing a towel. 

Coco had this same stomach bug last week. She threw up twice during the night--strawberry yogurt and mandarin oranges--and she ended up rolling in it, matting it in her hair. She required a full bath before going back to bed, which infuriated her to the point of red-faced screaming in the bath tub. Poor little nugget. But she was so perky and happy the next morning, I thought it was a freak thing (too many oranges?) so I took her to school. I told her teacher that she'd thrown up, but she seemed perfectly fine and was fever-free, so I really didn't think much of it. I'd JUST gotten to my office when her teacher texted me that Coco had thrown up TWICE and needed to go home. Awesome parenting moment! I felt terrible. (In my defense, even when I got to school to pick her up, she was perfectly happy.) 

Zuzu was not quite the same--she was definitely feeling puny and ran a low fever yesterday afternoon. We indulged her in screen time and mostly let her hang out on our bed while we worked on the closet. 

She seemed to be feeling normal by bedtime, but we decided to keep her home today. I didn't want another Coco-incident! This morning, David got out of bed early to walk Cooper-the-Diva-Dog, and I got up with Coco. When Zuzu came into Coco's room to find me, I gasped out loud at the site of her, because she had dried blood all over her nose and face. Evidently, she'd had a nosebleed during the night! When I was cleaning her up, she sneezed, and bloody snot came shooting out. 

She told me, "I'm a little bit sick, so last night, I threw up in my nose."

If you count sweat from working on the closet, and factor in the wet diapers I changed, then there's hardly a bodily fluid that I didn't come in contact with this weekend. 

But the closet looks great! I just have a few finishing touches I'm indulging in (like a tufted ottoman! because after this weekend, I think I earned it.) and then I will share pictures. 

This just in: David's stomach is bothering him. PLEASE let this one skip me!


  1. The only way for vomit to get any worse is for it to involve yogurt. So sorry, friend. You damn sure deserve that ottoman!

  2. The thought of a stomach bug entering our house is enough to make me break out in a cold sweat. Fingers crossed that you're spared! Can't wait to see the closet!


    Sometimes when we have too much middle of the night vomit laundry for one load but it smells terrible (that's, like, a total parenting thing), Ben bags it in a huge lawn waste garbage bag to wait its turn without being disgusting.

  4. I'm so sorry Brooke!!! Gag gag gag!!
    And last summer, theo puked yogurt and granola while in his car seat. The horror is unexplainable. But, you know!!

    I'm looking forward to the closet post, and I'll put all the bodily fluids behind me...because yikes!!

  5. That is absolutely terrible!! I'm more of a giant Tupperware for barfs than a towel to catch it, less laundry. My husband spent some time in ikea as well, g got a big girl desk!! I love that place.