Yesterday morning, around 8:00am, I ended up at Urgent Care, a throat swab confirming what I already knew: strep throat. I was achy and feverish and miserable, and David was out of town to be with his grandma.
A neighbor stayed with the girls while I got meds and a steroid shot at urgent care. One of my best friends from college saved me by picking up the girls around 9:30am and taking them to her house all day. Much to my relief, my parents cancelled their dinner plans and drove up so they were here when Jamie brought the girls back.
Nothing about this weekend has gone as planned. I was supposed to do some deep cleaning, put up some Christmas decorations, and David would be back in time for us to go to dinner before the vigil.
Instead, I canceled our babysitter for tonight, and I've barely moved off the couch.
When I mentioned to my friend Keleen how wretched I felt about missing the ceremony tonight, she suggested I rally the troops (you are my troops). Some of you have been walking on this journey for longer than I have, many people reading this miss Eliza with us, and who among us hasn't been touched with loss? These dark and quiet sorrows can feel like an even heavier burden in a season of glittering lights.
So if you're reading this today, on what should be Eliza's fifth birthday but instead marks the date of our fifth year without her, I would be filled with gratitude and appreciation if you'd light a candle in her memory around 7pm tonight. It will be our own kind of vigil, and my hope is that even if I don't see those flickering lights myself, I'll still know they are there. I'll be able to envision them as whispers of a longing that lasts forever and beacons of a love that is stronger than death.
Thank you for abiding with us.
I'll light a candle for Eliza in Kingston, Ontario. I've been reading your blog since I lost my daughter Claire in 2013.
ReplyDeleteLots of love to your whole family on Eliza's fifth birthday. We love you and all of your precious girls.
ReplyDeleteYes, of course.
ReplyDeleteI always love when I'm invited to share in remembering and loving of someone special, regardless of if I know them or not. It feels like such a blessing and honor to be asked to participate in whatever way as I know how much it means when people extend their love for my boy. So thank you for allowing us to love her with you.
ReplyDeleteLoving your precious first born daughter on her fifth birthday. Can't wait to see all the lights <3
ReplyDeleteWhite, sparkly Christmas Tree Candle lit for Eliza. And a couple of the little singers lit for the other girls! The love remains, and grows.
ReplyDeletePeace to you and yours.
Jill A.
I haven't commented on your blog before, but I've been reading for a while, and I want you to know I lit a candle for Eliza this evening.
ReplyDeleteMissing and remembering with you~
Sarah
Done. :-) Sending lots of love and warm wishes for Eliza's 5th birthday. Hope you feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteToday is the first day of Hannukah and every time since Jack I light the candles in his and other child's honor. And we did so at 7pm tonight, thinking of Eliza too.
ReplyDeleteAnd know that she lives on by every action you or your children every do. Trust me. It's easy to feel guilt and sorrow, but it's just living every day for HER and HIM and THEM that makes them still very important and special to our lives.
- Matt Kaplan
Brooke - I have a new candle I bought this weekend that now burns in memory of Eliza.
ReplyDeleteRegards,
CT
Lighting a candle in Narrogin, Western Australia. Your beautiful first daughter is loved and remembered here. Xx Bridg
ReplyDeleteLit in Wichita, KS.
ReplyDeleteOne candle lit in Maryland for your sweet Eliza. Might light a fire in the fireplace too. It's frigid here tonight. Get well soon, sweets.
ReplyDeleteWe all remembered Eliza yesterday. Although there are no public comments yet, our candle was lit, along with countless others. We all share your grief. -H
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry I missed this post! I will light a candle (a day late and a dollar short, as many other distant aunties have done before me, in my experience...) this evening, with so much love for your precious first girl, Eliza. I wish I could've known you both in my day-to-day life.
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you and your family! We are celebrating Eliza:)
ReplyDeleteRemembering Eliza with you, Brooke. Sending love to you & yours.
ReplyDeleteWe did. Lots of candle lighting and remembering this week. Hope you are feeling better.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't able to light a candle because I currently have none. (All my candles melted in the process of moving to Phoenix this past August, and I haven't replaced yet.) But, I did think about Eliza and your family on her birthday and think about all of you whenever I read your blog, which is often.
ReplyDeleteI felt blessed when I lit a candle for Eliza last weekend. I know her from the time when she was born and I love her more and more. Thank you for your blog, and the wonderful teaching life experience you are sharing with us.
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your writing for years now. December 6th is a big day for my family because of a Saint Nicholas tradition. Now on December 6th I automatically think of your Eliza. While I did not see you candle request I was already holding her in my thoughts all day.
ReplyDelete