Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Grief Group, 5 Years Out

I went to a grief support group tonight.

I've only attended a grief support group a handful of times in the past five years. I met some great friends through the group, but I also found a tremendous amount of support and connections online, through my blog and websites like Glow in the Woods and Faces of Loss.

I can remember going in the early days and being freaked out that there were people there who were three or four or five years out. Like, would I STILL be going to grief support groups in FIVE YEARS? How could I possibly manage to survive my life if I felt so miserably in need of grief support that far out?

Probably other people understood that those people were there to offer support to others rather than receive it, but the idea of being in that position seemed equally impossible at that point in my grief.

And now, here I am. I'm not sure I always have something super helpful to say--I remember certain moments in those early weeks/months very vividly, but getting through the day to day stuff is kind of a blur to me (and I still can't really go back and look at my own blog archives). It doesn't seem very useful to say that the only thing that really helps is time--as one person mentioned tonight, you can't fast forward through it (though I can remember desperately wishing I could).

It's hard to hear the stories of moms (and dads) who are desperately missing their babies. It's hard to know that I am one of them.

Life is so much easier than it was four years and eleven months ago. But it's nothing like I imagined it would be five years ago.


  1. Thanks so much for attending group and for being such a light to me. And for Veronica Mars. xoxo

  2. I just cried & cried... I've followed you for quite some time & have been a member of the loss community since '12 but I don't believe I've ever read your pre-loss posts & those following in the days after you delivered Eliza... you write beautifully & this is clear just how well you write when you describe your love for her immediately after she passed away- through to today how beautifully you incorporate her into your lives & writings... you're an inspiration❤️ -Lynn

  3. I remember attending a support group and feeling the same worry as you that people were still attending three or four years out. I have thought about going back to provide a hopeful image for newcomers, but they would probably see me the same way that I saw the veterans.

  4. Dh & I attended a support group for more than 10 (!!) years after we lost Katie -- one year as a client & 10 as the group facilitators. I did find support online too (although this was quite a while before blogs), & that kept me sane from day to day, but I loved being in the same room with real live people who had been through a similar experience. It WAS hard to hear so many sad stories -- dh in particular found it difficult, and that was one reason why we eventually decided to step down. But it was also affirming and gratifying. You never realize just how far you have come yourself in your grief journey until a newly bereaved parent/couple walks through that door!