Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Unapologetically Broken

I read a blog post today by Linda at All and Sundry that describes the Japanese art of Kintsugi or Kinsukuroi, which means "golden joinery or golden repair." She explains that it's the process of "fixing broken pottery with lacquer resin dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum."

It's counter-intuitive, to think of making a repair that highlights faults instead of trying to disguise them, but it also creates an incredibly beautiful piece of pottery:

picture from All & Sundry

Linda writes, "Do you see the glory in the bowl's faults? How nothing is disguised or hidden, but rather brought into the light and made beautiful, thanks to the cracks that once broke it apart?"

I stared at that photo for a moment, admiring the gold lines running through it--evidence of an unexpected accident that has been crafted into something beautiful.

And, like pretty much everything these days, it made me think about Eliza.

I still cringe at the idea of assigning  "silver lining" to Eliza's death, even though I can't deny that having her and, yes, losing her, brought good things into my life. There's still no fair recompense for having lost my baby, although I acknowledge that I am lucky to have discovered meaningful friendships and connections, defined my priorities, strengthened my marriage, and had two more babies in the wake of such a tragedy.

Do not misunderstand; I'm still broken.

I do like this idea, though, that missing her doesn't have to always be a raw and ugly shattering. In fact, maybe as I piece myself and my life back together, Eliza will be the shining gold that runs through it.

Still undeniably--unapologetically--broken, but also held together by a love that is indifferent to death.


  1. You have found the greatest way to honor her.

  2. I hope you realize how inspiring it is to read your blog. I could feel myself slipping up as the anniversary of my son's death is coming up in December. After reading your post about the repaired pottery i can honestly say that I feel stronger than I have ever been. This will help me to be there for my friend who has lost her baby boy, Liam, on his due date on 9 September 2014. Thank you so much. Yolande Matthee-Helberg - South Arica.

  3. This is beautiful. Thank you for giving me hope, yet again, that someday my broken pieces may begin to fit back together. Thinking of you and Eliza, and of course, my sweet Charlotte, too.

  4. Wow. Fantastic post and thank you for sharing. Lovely concept about repairing the bowl with precious metal. It brings renewal while honoring what was lost.

  5. Such a beautiful visual analogy...still feeling so broken as we enter another season of grief. Thinking of you and Eliza often. Xoxo

  6. This is so beautiful. I need a piece of pottery like this now.

    You express your interpretation with such spot on emotion Brooke. I hate that I've fallen so far behind in blog reading, but I love catching up with you xo

  7. Hi, just wanted to tell you, I loved this post. It was inspiring.
    Keep on posting!

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