Wednesday, October 15, 2014

October 15

print created by Francesca at Small Bird Studios

Today is Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day.

Before I ever got pregnant, I was aware that people lost babies.

But I never thought that it would be me.

My friend Veronica said something in an e-mail the other day that I thought summed up the situation so perfectly. She said that many people seem to think about stillbirth or pregnancy loss as tragedy, but one that is an isolated event, an event that we move on from after it occurs.

In reality, though, it's a loss that we wake up and experience again each and every day. It isn't just a baby I've lost--it's a toddler and a preschooler and--in just a couple of years--a kindergartener and the list goes on and on and on.

I'm going on four years out from losing Eliza, and I'm better at balancing my grief. The buoyant joys of having two little girls here helps to keep the dark sorrow at bay most of the time.

But of course they are also living reminders of another little girl who's not here, of our firstborn daughter, of the sister who isn't here, of the baby we loved so much and never got to see grow up.

Time has made my grief easier to carry, but a day doesn't go by that I don't think about Eliza and who she would be if she were here now.

Tonight at 7pm, I'll light a candle for Eliza and for all the other babies who have been lost and the families who are missing them. This is part of the Wave of Light that will go all around the world. I would be honored if you would join me, and I thank you for thinking of our baby girl.


  1. I love that quote and I think all the time about who my L would be. Thank you for sharing. I will certainly light a candle tonight.

  2. You describe it so well...the endurance of grief alongside life with two very vibrant little ones. I'm thinking of your Eliza today!

  3. Waving over here. I posted the same image as it represents exactly how I feel at 46 months from Andrew. xo

  4. <3 This is beautiful. It's so true- we've lost a toddler/preschooler/big brother/sister. bah.

    Thinking of your little Eliza, of my Jack, of ALL the babies.

  5. Thinking of you and your beloved Eliza.

  6. Thinking of you, David, Eliza, Zuzu and CoCo today and always. Thanks for being so honest about your journey with grief.

  7. We lit one last night for our son, Zack, stillborn at 32 weeks, one for our (supposed to be) rainbow, Little Man, miscarried at 15 weeks and one for all the other babies gone too soon:).

  8. I will light a candle for Eliza and too many babies as precious and as missed.

  9. Thank you for sharing your Eliza with us. My sister, Amanda, was born sleeping on October 18, 1981 and even though I never got to meet her, I feel as though I know her. She is always with me, often in my thoughts, as I wonder what our lives would have been like had we had the chance to grow up together. Instead, I grew up hearing her name and her story and feeling a bond with the sister I never knew. I thank my parents for the gift of her memory and share their grief over her immense loss -- because as you say, it wasn't just a baby they lost: it was a toddler, a young child, a teenager, a young woman, a daughter, a sister, a friend. When my husband and I lost our own baby in 2011, I found great solace in the knowledge that he/she was being cared for by their aunt in a place beyond our reach. <3 Remembering your sweet baby girl right along with you <3

  10. I definitely thought of Eliza when I lit my candle last week...*hugs*

  11. I have so much blog catching up to do... but I wanted to come to the posts about October 15th and leave my little love notes.

    Thank you for holding Eliza so tightly, and sharing your love for her. I lit my candles and spoke so many babies names on the 15th, Eliza's included, with love xox