Friday, May 16, 2014

Return to Zero

Just a reminder that the film Return to Zero premieres on Lifetime this Saturday at 7pm. I wanted to write more about the film, but my friend and Cale's mom wrote this beautiful piece so I'm just linking to it because, yeah. What she said.

I know watching this movie will be hard. I will have to find an evening to do it after Zuzu has gone to bed when I don't need to function especially well the next day. I already have my DVR programmed to record it as we will be out of town this weekend.

It really sucks to know that most people--INCLUDING ME--won't want to watch a movie that is about the reality of my life. I hope people watch it anyway. Because it matters that we try to understand things we haven't experienced, and it matters that we are able to talk about and express experiences that are painful and difficult and heartbreaking. Watching this film matters, no matter when or where you do it.

David works late tonight and then has a man-date with one of his friends to go to the Cardinal game, so Zuzu and I are having a girls' night. As long as my energy keeps up, this will include laundry and cookie-baking and packing for a weekend in which the temperatures in Kansas are expected to shift from 75 degrees on Sunday to 98 degrees on Tuesday. Which is great because I love it when my under-boob gets sweaty. I mean, WHO DOESN'T?

In other news, Zuzu has very strong opinions about my singing, although they are entirely inconsistent. Sometimes she follows up an especially strong rendition of "The Ants Go Marching" or "Wheels on the Bus" with clapping and "Hooray!" Other times she stops me mid-chorus by screeching, "No, Mama!" It's only a little bruising for my ego.

I've also discovered Zuzu's first phobia: bees. Her daycare teacher is terrified of bees and was evidently "chased" by one outside in front of the kids. She spazzed out and even though the other teachers were laughing at her, Zuzu was evidently traumatized by watching her teacher freak out. The other problem is that Zu doesn't have a clear concept of what a bee is. So this morning, she starts screaming and crying in the kitchen, I race in to see what's wrong, and she's pointing at an ordinary housefly and sobbing, "Bee! Bee!"

I swatted the housefly and killed it and then tried to tell her that it wasn't a bee, it was a fly, and bees are our friends and bugs are nice when they are outside. It was a somewhat confusing mixed message, I realize ("This fly won't hurt you! Watch me kill it!"). She does recognize cartoon bees and pictures of bees in books but any bug with wings now seems to strike terror in her heart. I mentioned this to her teacher today, so I'm hoping we can work to un-do this irrational fear. Otherwise, it could be a very long summer in the buggy Midwest.

I have SO MUCH grading left to do. I've actually made great progress, but with 80-some students taking exams or handing in final essays, it's a slog to get through. I'm at the office this morning and heading to a coffee shop near campus with a couple of friends/coworkers this afternoon, so I hope to make good headway today. If I can get myself off the internet, right? Hmm... I need to prowl around campus and see if someone brought in donuts.


  1. I got to watch "Return to Zero" last week, and I did the ugly cry — a lot. I didn't know whether I would make it through the film. That said, I am so grateful that this film exists. There is, unfortunately, a huge need.

  2. I finally watched "Return to Zero" last night. I definitely sobbed, but also found it to be cathartic - similar to how I have felt reading books about stillbirth. I really hope the movie gets seen by others to help raise awareness and encourage compassion rather than fear.