Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Sleep (Or Lack Therof), Cuteness, and Other Things

I've started half a dozen blog posts this week and now it's Thursday and only one was posted and that was just photos.

Except I just realized it's actually Wednesday, not Thursday.

So anyway.  This is jumbled together and mildly incoherent, but there are a few nuggets of wisdom slightly insane ramblings I want to put out there.  So here you go:

I saw yesterday that if you donate $250 or more to Return to Zero, they will add you to the film's credits with a thank you or an "In memory of..."  Wouldn't that be awesome?  I don't have an extra $250 lying around right now, but if I did!  It would be pretty amazing to see "In memory of Eliza Taylor Duckworth" scrolling up the screen at the end of the movie.

# # #

I was at Target yesterday and two things happened:

(1) Zuzu road in the cart, sitting up like a big grown up girl, and got about a million compliments for just being adorable.  The checkout lady said she should be on television, and then added that she doesn't say that about every baby.  hashtag shamelessbragging.

(2) I discovered the Radish scent of Mrs. Meyers soaps and cleaners and fell IN LOVE with it.  You guys, I don't know what radishes smell like, but this is amazing.  It smells like grass and springtime and clean dirt and fresh salad without dressing.  It is delicious.  Get you some.

# # #

Zuzu slept like hell Sunday and Monday nights.  I was actually in tears Monday night when she started crying at 11:30 because WTF?  WHY ISN'T SHE SLEEPING?  Why did she sleep better at two months old than she does at seven months old?  Why does she think she has to eat every three hours all night long?  Why does she have to not just cry but SCREAM like that?  Like a banshee.  Or a crazed primate.  Why doesn't she just try waterboarding on top of sleep deprivation?

And of course there's always the twinge of baby-loss guilt in the back of my mind, saying in her snarky little Pollyanna tone, At least you HAVE a baby waking you up four times a night!  So yeah, not complaining. Too loudly anyway.

The thing about Zuzu is that she absolutely insists on eating before she goes back to sleep.  There is no popping in the pacifier and turning on the magical crib aquarium.  Oh no!  That worked for a while, but no more!  It is all boob and nothing but the boob!  I don't know what kind of instrument you use to measure decibels because my brain is not functioning so well after three nights of ridiculously spotty sleep, but I would like to have one so I could measure how loudly this child can scream.  David gets offended sometimes at how she will lunge away from his arms and reach for me.  It would be endearing if (1) she wasn't just using me for my boobs and (2) I wasn't so freaking tired my eyelids feel like sandpaper.

Last night she slept relatively well, waking up once at 11:30 (bah!) and not again until almost 5 (still two hours earlier than I would like!).  But she has me too well trained!  I was up at 2am and couldn't get back to sleep until after 3.  I woke up again at 4 and saw David had moved to the living room to watch TV because he wasn't sleeping either.  I can't really remember what 8 hours straight feels like since I've been getting up to pee and/or nurse a baby for the past sixteen months.  I wonder sometimes if I will ever sleep for eight hours in a row again?  I have to say, after all we've been through, I appreciate having a reason to get up in the middle of the night (an adorable reason, actually, and no, I'm not talking about my bladder), but I hope to someday appreciate what it feels like to sleep through the night without interruption.  Maybe in like twenty years or so?

# # #

We were back at the pediatrician's office on Monday for a flu shot.  I popped the pacifier in her mouth and Zuzu didn't even CRY.  She is so much braver than her mommy.  The nurse does the injecting, but the doctor stopped in to say hello and Zuzu actually gave him one of her big charming smiles.  (She does this thing where she beams at people who say hi to her, but then she coyly ducks her head into my shoulder and continues to grin at them while looking out the corner of her eye.  It is basically THE CUTEST THING EVER.)  The doctor said, "She's a happy baby!" and I said, "Yes she is."  Then he said, "And you're a happy mom.  That's a good combination: happy mom, happy baby."

I would replay that conversation in my head in the wee hours of the following morning as I was deliriously tired and Zuzu was anything but happy.  Still, it was a nice moment, to know that our happiness is visible to other people when I thought that I would radiate nothing but sadness for so long.

# # #

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and a home-with-Zuzu day, so although I'll have to do a little bit of work, we plan to drive out to David's work to have a Valentine lunch with him and then maybe do a little shopping near his school.  Our romantic evening plans include Qdoba take out for dinner (I've been looking forward to this for WEEKS!) and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves on the DVR.  I haven't ever seen it all the way through but it has one of the most romantic songs ever:  Bryan Adams's "Everything I Do [I Do It For You]," which at one time I thought I would have sung at my wedding (I didn't, but I kind of wish I would have).  For these reasons, it is now our Valentine Date Night Movie.

The chances of both of us managing to stay awake long enough to get through it?  Well, we'll see how well we sleep tonight.


  1. I just donated $250 to Return to Zero! I'm hoping they make it to production so I can see my son's name in the credits!!!

  2. I love that Mrs. Meyers. The basil one is my favorite. They even sell the dish and hand soap at my Wal-Mart which seems to have the most reasonable price for that bottle of goodness.

    And I too wish I had an extra $250 laying around. I hope they get that last ten grand. I think I want to see the movie, but mostly want to see that it gets made.

  3. lying around.*

    8th grade grammar, Caroline

  4. Sleep...what's that?!? Maxwell hasn't ever really liked to sleep more than 4 hours at a time (I think he hates wet diapers because they get cold). He did actually sleep fantastically this past weekend thanks to his post surgery meds two glorious 6 hour stretches each night. That was short lived but wonderful.

    I haven't seen the radish sent in Meyers...craving spring and summer so that smell might be what I need since we are due to get more snow over night.

  5. Mrs. Meyers. If she were a person, we might be best friends. I love all the scents, but I'm partial to lavender anything, so I usually go that route. However, I'm a fan of basil and will definitely be trying this new radish scent. My Super Target better carry it.

    Sleep. It's loads of fun, no? B is a great sleeper and I can't complain, but then we go through these random days where he's just the same and ... UGH! I continue for another few days to wake up at all hours because I am conditioned to ASSUME he'll wake up and apparently my body needs to get ahead of things. Gah.

    I replay all those lovely moments in my head when I'm up rocking him at all hours as well.

  6. My Owen is six months, and after sleeping six or seven hours in a row for his second and third months, from month four on he has been getting up every two hours ALL NIGHT LONG. I thought this would change once he started eating food, and even started feeding him purees and cereal at 5.5 months in the hope that it would buy me a longer sleep interval, but...nope! Not yet. And he is about 22 pounds so he should be sleeping, right? Sigh.

  7. I might have to go to Target tomorrow to find something radish-scented.

    And stop by and say hi tomorrow! Or just wave to the crazed girl sprinting down the halls, because honest to goodness, that's what I do quite often these days. :)

  8. Oh sleep. Hahaha. Luke is still up at 11 tonight which is awesome b/c maybe he'll sleep through the night, and not wake up for the day at 5 or 6. MAYBE. And the baby, he thinks he should sleep in my arms and most of the time I am too dang tired to fight it.

    And you do feel less guilty about whining about it the longer it continues, IME. Not that I wouldn't love to be up all night with Olivia (this is why I can't bring myself to 'sleep train' Luke), but geez. Also you do get used to functioning on low sleep!

  9. Does she have teeth yet? V just had both bottom teeth pop up at the same time and man o man was his sleep off. Now that they are cut through he is back to sleeping better. I think the nipple is more of a comfort with the gums than anything because man I would wake up after he had just been dry sucking the nipple for 30 minutes. He hasn't bit down with those razor blades yet, but knock on wood. Hope you get some sleep soon mama. Much love, missy

  10. I have a 9-month old and hate when people give me unsolicited advice, but in the hopes it will help your sanity, here is my unsolicited advice. My baby was a champ sleeper - through the night since about 10 weeks. all of a sudden at 4 months she was waking up at around 2am. I just assumed waking up crying = hungry baby so i'd feed her. I was telling a co-worker about her sudden change in sleeping habits, just in time for my return to work and HE (yes, he) said "she doesn't need to eat, you just think she does". I was like "realy?" and he said "yeah, you need to let her cry." It didn't even occur to me that she didn't actually need a bottle. He said you may have a couple rough nights but then she'll be sleeping again. That night I let her cry. It lasted about 10-15 minutes. I turned the monitor down and my husband and I just stared at each other in bed. And that was it. Ever since she sleeps from 6:30pm-6am every night. Worth a try and I always share because I literally hadn't even considered the fact that I could just NOT feed her. I mean, a crying baby means "feed me!!", right? Perhaps, no. Good luck!

  11. Oh, sleep. E was a champion sleeper from 2 months to 4.5 months and then it all went to hell and when she was 7-11 months I was getting up multiple times a night, sometimes every hour and was despairing that I would never sleep again. I tried everything I read about to get her to sleep and nothing worked (or I was doing it wrong or it made us both feel like shit). E was like Zuzu - only wanted the boob and then would be right back to sleep. I was so exhausted and teaching and I'm sure my students thought I was a total space cadet. The good news is all of a sudden at 12 months she just magically started sleeping through the night. I know we were lucky that it was at 12 months rather than 24 or 36, but with sleep as with everything else I have worried about (will she ever potty train? will she ever be able to write her name like all the other kids at daycare, etc.) she figures things out eventually and a new phases starts. Anyway - that was long-winded - what I really wanted to say was about the guilt: it is so f***ing hard to be so sleep-deprived and it doesn't matter how appreciative we are of what we have in life, sometimes we are just worn down, tired, frustrated. It diminishes our feelings - real, genuine, important feelings - when we tell ourselves we should be more grateful, that we are lucky. We ARE, but we are also all the other things too. I know you know this; this is just my little bug-bear, the extra guilt of the BLM seems like an extraordinarily cruel extra burden to carry and it drives. me. nuts. Phewf. Got that off my chest. Again. Sending good sleep vibes.

  12. TEETH. They are horrible. (But so damn cute).

    I also love Mrs. Meyers. DO NOT LOOK IT UP on the EWG cleaning product database if you still want to love it-- I switched dish soaps and ditched the counter cleaner, but I can't give up the hand soap.

    Ben and I like to watch Armageddon for these occasions, and I love the trashy Aerosmith song, and we almost played it at our wedding...

  13. I remember that movie well. I think I might have seen it on a first date, like junior year of high school? Maybe 1991? And funny piece of non-trivia, my prom date that year was Bryan Adams (not the same one, of course, just the same name). Sweet.

    My guess would be teeth are coming. And bummer on the lack of sleep. Sleep deprivation turns me into a monster (this coming from someone who routinely misses sleep on her own accord, unrelated to the kids.)

    I will not offer night waking advice. We were very successful with one method that fell firmly in the middle between crappy sleep habits and crying it out, but I'm sure I'll just date myself my mentioning it. The trends change so quickly - so things like Baby Led Weaning mean nothing to me.

  14. You WILL get sleep again. But then you won't again. And then you will again. At least, that is how it has been for us. It seems like LB goes through phases of sleeping great and I get spoiled with 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. And then he goes through a phase of waking up at 5am. And then he goes through a phase of waking at 2am but then sleeping until 7:30. So when the bad phases come I remind myself they will end and good phases will come back. (At least, I can remind myself of that in my sane moments.) And then I do best to really enjoy the good phases. Someday they'll be 15 and we'll have to drag them out of bed on a Saturday morning, right?

    Oh and thanks for the radish tip! :)

  15. Ah, sleep. When you're not getting any, it's all you want. Here's hoping the sleep gods visit you tonight.