Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Tomorrow Is Another Day

When I imagined myself being deliberate, I imagined rising with my alarm clock and taking a shower before waking the baby, dressing her for the day, sitting her next to me in her little seat at the kitchen bar while I eat my cereal and listen to NPR, then nursing her and getting in some sweet morning snuggles before gathering her already-laid-out supplies and my neatly-packed bag and heading out the door for school and work with plenty of time to spare.

Here is what happened today that I did not imagine:

A last-minute orange poop blowout (damn you, carrot puree!) that resulted in poop on the changing table, poop in the new diaper, poop on her shirt, poop on her socks, and poop on her hands.

A near neck-breaking incident (mine) when my high heel got caught in the throw rug in my bedroom as I dressed myself frantically after losing precious minutes to changing the poop clothes.

A frantic shifting of milk from storage container to bottles, during which I lectured myself for not doing it the night before.

Two trips to the car, in order to load a bag of clean diapers, a bag of daycare supplies (extra bib, change of clothes, two bottles, her hane), my purse, a bag of textbooks, a breast pump, pumping supplies (stored in a small insulated lunch bag), and my water glass.  Also a banana.

Pulling into the daycare parking lot as I realized that I never nursed the baby before we left the house.  She (charmingly) woke up at 5:30am and demanded to eat, so she wasn't starving by 8am, but STILL I had to feed her before I dropped her off because I'd only brought two bottles..

Breastfeeding the baby in the back seat of my car in the day care parking lot, while she seems distracted and keeps latching on and popping off, resulting in a milk shower all over her face, my shirt, and the back seat of the car, while I tried to gently shove her face back onto my boob and not shout as I said, "Dude!  Seriously!  Stop that!"

When I envisioned myself being deliberate and engaged, I picked up Zuzu at daycare and returned home to a tidy house and a snuggly baby.  We would cuddle, nurse, play with her educational and enriching toys, and she would quietly entertain herself in the jumperoo or her little kitchen perch while I washed bottles and pump parts, started a load of diapers, and made myself a cup of tea.

What I did not envision was this:

A return home to a nursery that was literally covered in shit because I'd had to run out the door leaving her dirty diaper, the pooping changing table cover, and her clothes all lying out.  I did not envision having a fussy, crying baby who did not want to be put down for EVEN ONE SECOND so I could clean up the nasty mess.  I did not envision me jumping around the nursery holding the baby and singing, "This room smells like shit, oh, this room smells like shit!" in order to make her stop crying (it worked--she actually started laughing because having a room smell like shit is hilarious!).

A baby screaming in her cute little kitchen perch while I washed bottles and pump parts as quickly as possible, finally abandoning the job half way through when she could no longer be remotely entertained by the magazine I was letting her destroy and she started crying real tears.

A baby who was so freaking crabby, wanting to be held constantly.  She insisted on nursing even though I knew she wasn't hungry.  And by "insisted," I mean digging her face into my boobs and clawing frantically at my shirt/neck/face/chest while grunting and crying.

Dogs who would start wailing at the back door to be let out at the precise moment I gave in and let Zuzu start nursing (even though I knew she wasn't really hungry).  Cooper howled along with Little Mac and I could not be calm about it and so I yelled at them to just WAIT ONE FREAKING MINUTE.  They ignored me but I felt bad for yelling anyway.

Zuzu BITING my nipple so hard I screamed again and stared at her in disbelief (she grinned at me, which was really unnerving).  I checked her gums to see if she had, oh, I don't know, a whole mouthful of shark teeth I didn't know about?  She did not.  But even with her gums alone she appears to have the jaw strength of a pit bull.  Not fun when it comes to chewing nipples!

A baby who refuses to be set down on her blanket, surrounded by her educational and enriching toys, even with me sitting or lying right next to her.  She burst into tears because HOW DARE I and proceeded to scream LOUDER and SHRILLER as I got up and hurried to the backdoor to let out the dogs.  They had pranced around so much that the rug was bunched up so I couldn't open the door and I couldn't straighten the rug because they were standing on it, so I yelled at them AGAIN because I was frustrated and the baby crying was stressing me out and then Cooper tucked his tail, which made me feel terrible and then I shooed them outside and slammed the door really hard to let off steam and then felt bad about being such a spaz.

A baby who had to be carried around as I tried to do minimal chores around the house because she was only NOT screaming if I was holding her, which proved challenging when I tried to put a clean cover on her changing pad, so then she had to scream in her crib for FIVE SECONDS which was TOTALLY unacceptable as far as she was concerned.  She was so pissed she wouldn't listen even when I told her I'd buy her an iPad if she'd stop crying.

Getting puked on as I carried her to the back room to let in the dogs, who by this time were wailing at the backdoor to be let back inside.  Without warning, Zuzu spit up all over herself and me and the coffee table and the rug.  Because that's what happens when you gorge yourself on milk and you're not hungry, just fussy!  (I don't know if she was just upset about being separated from me for so long after two weeks of much togetherness, but she was fine and normal at daycare today...  so I'm chalking this insistent nursing/chewing thing up to teething).

Admitting defeat and just sitting in the living room watching TV while I rocked her and gave her a pacifier.  So much for an educating and enriching evening.  But maybe she just needed to cuddle?  She dozed off and I called my mom and AT LAST David got home from work.

So... yeah.  Today was not quite the deliberate day that I had pictured in my head.  Here's to a more deliberate tomorrow.  Although honestly at this point I'll just settle for not being pooped and puked and chewed on.  At least not all in the same day.


  1. Teething sucks. Henry busted out two teeth last month and it was hellish. Bitey, clingy and generally out of sorts for a couple weeks. More fun coming as I suspect he's got a couple more in the works. Ugh. Hang in there.

  2. Ugh. Sorry. I had a bit of a day yesterday too, which included dropping a glass cup down our stairs that landed on the hard wood floors and shattered into a million pieces while E watched and then wanted to "help" clean up. Not my best moment. Hope today is better!!

  3. G would have absolutely taken you up on the iPad offer. She loves the crapy out of her Granny's.

    I'm so so sorry that after starting out with such good intentions the universe put you on your ass. I hope things are awesome tomorrow to make up for it.

  4. Ain't that the truth. I definitely laughed my head off reading this. Per usual. I really wish we lived next door. I'd want to hear these tales over a glass of wine after the kiddos are in bed. I totally dream of having that someday. Growing up, our next door neighbors were best friends with my parents and the two moms would open the kitchen door and talk while making dinner... catching up on the daily happenings as the neighbor worked and my mom stayed home. They're still best friends.

    ANYWAY, so carrot poop covering everything sounds like a blast! I bet Zuzu sure thought that song was HILarious!

  5. My kids have a TALENT for the last-minute horrible blowout. It's the pits. And once the poop is past the explosive stage, they always manage to shit their pants at the exact second I am putting on their coats or buckling them into their carseats. Brutal. Can you wear her in a carrier while you do all the mundane household tasks at the end of the day? Jack and Cooper both loved this.

  6. Comfort feeding is tough...and sometimes it is as much of a comfort for your ears and soul as it is to comfort the baby, so its a win win.

    And, it's tough when your vision of how things are going to happen in your perfect world are not so perfect.

    But, you were still deliberate. You were deliberate in comforting your girl. It's what a mama does best. The rest can wait.


  7. (Lots of snickering)

    Oh, this sounds so familiar, especially the "this room smells like shit part". Nothing is ever how you envision it but it's good to have those fantasies if for no other reason than to entertain your blog readers, who are also covered in poo, spit up and/or breast milk.

  8. oooh, that sounds really shitty, indeed! Being bitten is the worst - it hurts and it's such an unpleasant surprise. Hope tomorrow is better!

  9. This made me laugh out loud, even though I truly am sorry you had a bad day-hope tomorrow is indeed better:)

  10. Ouch ouch ouch, nipple biting is the worst!!

    The "this room smells like shit" song is the funniest thing I've read all day.

    Glad you got some calm cuddles at the end of all that! Hope tomorrow is great!

  11. When you wrote about being deliberate, I was picturing you doing all of those wonderful things too!! Glad to hear your reality is a little more like my own, although sorry you had a rough day! You are an awesome mom!

  12. Totally luuuurve the last minute blow outs! We had a bad one when we were already running late (of course). Sweet Pea was also demanding to nurse, so I hovered over the changing pad with my boob out nursing the baby while my husband mucked the shit storm out of her diaper and onsie. That's multi-tasking!

  13. This whole teething thing has me bewildered. One second at a time I suppose. I love the photos from yesterday too. Such a beautiful little girl! ~Missy

  14. LMAO! i'm sorry i almost spit my tea out on my computer. i know it wasn't funny at the time, but this was hilarious to read. especially the part about Zuzu biting you (and you staring at her), and the whole shit incident. been there, done that. i think the 1st time baby girl bit me i shrieked so loud it scared her and she started crying. those babies!

  15. I'm so sorry it was a rough day- but you definitely made me laugh in your retelling! Sending smiles across the miles! xx

  16. Oh my gosh, hilarious, because as I sit here for the first time... like um all day in a burped on shirt house a ridiculous mess... I'm so right there with you.


  17. Oh dear lord the biting! The bite and pull is my personal hell on earth. Hope your week has gotten better!

  18. Funny. David text me and said he stopped at dicks and tested out a few new drivers tonight. Didn't buy one though.
    Janet jackaworski.