Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Little Mac and the Trail of Turds

Little Mac is going to be thirteen years old in April.

She's always had a mind of her own.  When I'm feeling generous, I call her temperamental.  When I'm feeling less generous, I call her psychotic.

When I'm feeling reckless, I let her get this close to the baby.  (Not to worry--David was less than an arm's length away and actually trying to lure Mac away from the baby with treats.)

Baby loves psycho dog.
Little Mac has gotten into the habit of demanding to be let out in the middle of the night.  And by "demanding," I mean she wakes us up out of a peaceful slumber by wailing at the top of her lungs.  Think about a cross between a coyote, an ambulance siren, and a screaming woman.  That's basically what she sounds like.  When we first moved in, Mac got left in the back yard and voiced her displeasure.  Our next door neighbors came bolting outside to see what was wrong--they later told us they thought someone was getting raped in the alley.  THAT is what she sounds like.  There's no ignoring her demands even though we KNOW she COULD hold it all night long if she wanted to.  So we get out of bed and let her outside.  (And by "we" I almost always mean David, bless his heart.)

Usually she scurries right out into the backyard, pees, and then hurries back inside to go back to bed.  But there have been a couple of nights when she just stops on the deck.  Outside in the freezing cold.  After she's already peed.  And she just...  looks around.  Stares off into space.  Stands around doing NOTHING until David, tired of waiting for her, dashes outside, grabs her by the scruff of the neck (which she HATES, btw) and drags her back inside.

This always happens about fifteen minutes after the baby has woken us up.  So just as we are drifting back to sleep, Little Mac starts wailing and demands to be let out.

Last night was a rough night for Zuzu, so we both groaned when Little Mac started wailing about 2am.

David (bless his heart) got out of bed and went to let her out.

Except, she wasn't standing by the gate waiting for him to come out and open the back door.

She was curled up in her bed in the corner of the living room.  Just hanging out.  WAILING.

David asked her what was wrong and she ignored him.  Then she stopped wailing, got up, and started circling on the living room rug with her back arched.  This, my friends, is her classic "Immabout to poop" move.

David was trying to figure out what the heck she was doing when he realized she actually WAS about to poop.  Right in the middle of the living room!  In front of God and everybody!  With David standing right there watching!

So he swooped down and picked her up back the back of the neck.

She was growling and barking in protest, but he hauled her to the backdoor.


I just...  I just do not know what we are going to do about her.  Is she getting senile?  Or just malicious?  It's really anyone's guess.

The one thing she has going for her is that she has never shown ANY aggression (or any interest, really) towards the baby.  We know better than to believe that peaceful coexistence will continue once Zuzu is on the move, but we're going to take it while we can get it.

(FYI: On our last visit to the vet over Christmas break, Little Mac was pronounced in excellent health overall, with cateracts and a mild heart murmur.  Considering the fact that she's twelve-going-on-thirteen, I asked the vet about her life expectancy.  He thinks she'll make it to fifteen, easy.  The thought of not having Little Mac is so sad.  And yet...)

Zuzu is, of course, crazy about her.  She'll sit in her jumperoo and watch the dogs run around and it makes her laugh and laugh, which is just about the cutest thing ever.

Zuzu and her buddies.  Once again, Mac is being distracted and led away from the baby.
Not the cutest thing ever?  Cleaning up a trail of dog turds at 2am.


  1. OMG, she sounds like the canine version of my nearly 15-year old cat, Zoe (minus the wailing, although Zoe does scream like she's globe in killed whenever our other cat harasses her). She's always had a mind of her own, and it's my fault, because I'm the idiot who picked "the adventuresome one" from the litter. She once scratched my arm all the way around from wrist to elbow like she'd spiral slid down a pole, and bit through my hand at the same time. (To her credit, she was scared. To her discredit, I had to get a shot of powerful antibiotic in the ass.) She's taken to pooping outside the litter boxes most of the time lately for no good reason, sometimes right in front of us. It makes me crazy. I curretly have to rub a cream into her ear morning and night to treat her hyperthyroidism, amd she hates it and runs from me (and can bite and has sharp claws that she won't have trimmed), and I'm getting increasingly annoyed hauling my pregnant body around after her.

    I have the same exact thought: I'll miss her when she's gone, and yet...

  2. I'm obviously the only BLM who is not a fan of pretty much any animal (except wild ones... in the wild), so this made me laugh and sigh with relief.

    I don't know how Zuzu has the best posture ever, but I sure could use some lessons. Also, Mac's little tongue sticking out? Hah! He was obviously being lured and was getting ready for his treat. ;)

  3. Zuzu and her buddies look so cute! I have a dog who I trust 100% with the baby, but who has major separation anxiety that is getting worse in her old age...as in, broke out of two crates (ruining her teeth in the process) and sometimes "redecorates" the walls down to the plaster. We're currently managing with a new routine of frozen peanut butter kongs and crate #3 (we might be slow learners but lack other options). It is so hard, but man do I love her! Good luck with Little Mac!

    1. Oh, and I love that David asked her what was wrong. Unfortunate that it took too long to interpret her response.

  4. Lmao!! Dude, I have no words. Four animals over here and no waking in the night and no turds, hence no advice. Good luck with that!! ;)

  5. Man, I have no patience. I remember Norm's cat used to do that wailing in the middle of the night thing and I used to want to kill the thing (it has since died {I didn't do it} and I kind of was relieved. Now, my dog Buddy is on the shitlist since George was born b/c he's not very kid-friendly (not aggressive but not super patient about having his ears and fur pulled - go figure). He's been banished to the outdoors most of the time (luckily, he's big and furry and likes the cold and he has a super warm dog house). I've taught George since he could crawl to not touch Buddy and he's pretty good about it for the most part. I have also told Buddy I will kill him with my bare hands if he harms the kids. And I probably would. The mama bear instinct is pretty strong.

  6. You have way more patience than I would ever have.

    The loss of control that comes with having children is one thing. I managed that.

    I'm not strong enough to overcome it for a pet. That probably makes me a bad person, but I'm happy to see photos of other people's dogs!

    And I always read these kind of posts while eating lunch. Always.

  7. I think the comment about gifting the dogs to your parents is even more appropriate now. :-) Peggy

  8. Don't know what to say, except that our Milo acts like a 10 weeker these days. As soon as the baby is out in the living room, he ll leave all his chewy/squirrel- staring/ripping business, find an empty lap (mine or hubby's) and jump in the air to fit into it!!! Its like, baby in lap = me in lap. If the the empty lap is busy elsewhere, the busy lap person has to put up with a fetch game. I am cursing the day I taught him 'fetch'. He would rub the saliva smeared, cold pig toy on your body until you give up and pay 'fetch'.And if the car seat comes out, he ll start begging and being super nice to come with us in the car. what happens in the car is a whole different story. LOL
    oh! I think she is jealous of the baby. needs attention! try to pet her in presence of the baby and see how she reacts.

  9. My 13 year old dog was diagnosed with cushings (adrenal gland issue) last year. Her blood panels fit the profile. She had "fatty" lumps forming everywhere. She was constantly hungry and thirsty. About a month ago she started waking between 4-5 am, wondering the halls with our scream. Its more of a whine/yodel/high pitched i'm dieing sort of sound. She is a boxer pit. She started waking up the kids. They asked to sleep with the door closed! I would let her out and she never peed. Turns out she was hungry. I assumed the cushings had progressed. Her labs ended up being 3x better! Our vet was so perplexed. She consulted some specialists and because cancer didn't seem to be an option (because of appetite and weight gain instead of loss) they assumed an "old dog brain" issue. Kind of like dementia where it messes with their sleep wake pattern. In her case, i'm awake so its time to eat. We put her on some meds and now feed her half her dinner and regular time and then the other half around 11...yes i stay up and do that:) Weird things happen with dogs as they get old. She also has sight loss and hearing loss. She basically sleeps on the couch all day. I still love her:)

  10. OMG, those PHOTOS!!!

    Seriously? -- I could not put up with a dog pooping inside my house, let alone at 2 a.m. I guess that's why I don't have pets. ; )