Sunday, December 2, 2012

The Stocking Was Hung

My mom is in the process of making Zuzu a stocking to have a Grammy's house, but we wanted her to have one here as well.  The stocking I always had growing up is still at my mom's (it was handmade... I think by one of my great-aunts?  It has a little mouse on it) and David has a stocking there (No idea where it came from), too, but we also have a matching pair of stockings here at our house that I bought at Target for our first Christmas together (awwww).  They are fair isle sweater-like stockings and only kind of cute.  But now I feel sort of sentimental about them, so I don't know if I'll replace them some day or not.  Mac and Cooper also have stockings that look like paws.  Because why would a dog have a human-foot shaped stocking?  Makes no sense, right?

Anyway, I considered making a stocking for Zuzu to have at our house (I've actually sewn stockings in the past for some of my friends' kids).  But then I saw this one at Pottery Barn Kids and I decided to go ahead and order it.

I think it's absolutely darling.  I love the ice skater's tulle skirt and her little scarf.  I love the way it looks hanging in our living room (perhaps some day we'll have a house with an actual fireplace).  It's pretty much as perfect as it could be.

The only thing that would be better is if there were an Eliza stocking next to it.

David and I talked about that--should we order one?  There's an angel one that is so sweet.   I considered it.  But I didn't add it to my shopping bag.  I feel really sad that Eliza doesn't have a stocking, but the truth is, I don't want her stocking.  I just want her.   Honestly, I think it might make me even even sadder to see her stocking there, empty.  Sometimes it's hard to know where to draw the line between incorporating Eliza into our family traditions and just making myself even more miserable about missing her.  I know we could probably come up with something special that involved an Eliza-stocking, but that just feels too hard for us on a holiday that is already hard.

I'm telling myself that we have lots of other ways that Eliza is represented at Christmastime--angels and ornaments and something new that's in the works (I'll keep you posted)--so it's not like we're trying to pretend she never existed.  I love all those reminders of her, but none of them changes the fact that she's not here.

So we're sticking with the one stocking.  I hate that it doesn't have a sister stocking, but as far as I'm concerned, it's pretty much the best stocking ever.

Yeah, we can call that a metaphor for this:

Her shirt reads, "I'm the Perfect Present."  Naturally.


  1. We have those stockings! (Well, the boy ones), and I completely love them. They hold a surprising amount of presents, too. Thinking of you and your beautiful family this week (and this season).

  2. I have been thinking a lot about stockings of late. Every year (ugh - and I hate I can even say that) it is an ordeal for me. I feel like I want him included - but the same as you, I don't know where to draw the line. I don't want it to just make me more sad. I bought these initials to hang on our stockings and I bought an extra C should I decide to do anything - but I just don't know what to do. Bah hum bug.

    1. Brooke and Caroline, info have a sticking for Hayes. Wasn't sure how I would feel--would it make me more sad or feel better to include him? So ordered it for his first Christmas ad decided if it didn't feel good, I could always just not put it up or take it down. To me, it made my mantle feel complete. Just to have everyone represented. I put a mini sticking up for K last year, even though I was only like 15 weeks pg... Just wanted to represent him too. So it actually makes me very happy, but I certainly understand how it could make someone sad too. Just wanted to add my experience. Live ypuvguys

    2. Wow, clearly I did not proofread that. Ha! Hope you could make out what inward trying to say. ;) wanted to add that i will be posting a pic of my stockings on INSTAGRAM at the end of the week when Kellan's is back from the Monogrammer. I sure hate that Caroline will
      Miss out on seeing it since she won't join us on instagram! ;) sorry--gotta keep bugging you til u give in!!

  3. That's super cute. I was going to order the girl one last year (I think it was a ballerina?) but didn't in the end because I wanted to make 100% sure this baby made it for Christmas... Yeh...

    I know what you mean about not knowing where to draw the line. I want to collect everything that has his name on it but it feels like overcompensating for the little guy who isn't here... Afterall, I don't have 1 million things with Grace's name- just his. It's brutal. And it's never going to be okay.

    Um, Caro is too much for me. Too freakin' cute.

  4. This year when I ordered a Matthew stocking I ordered the Olivia angel one too. I've had the same issue, but I think I will hang it this year.

    And OMG she is getting so big and so stinking cute! Love the tutu and headband!

  5. I think the empty stocking is sad, too. My tree is covered in Hope decorations and that does make me happy at this time of year. One small thing I can do for her. Not enough, but still.....

  6. So cute! Last year I needed a stocking for Bear and I will put it up with all of ours again. I am still looking for one for Bode. For whatever reason, I need Bear's to be there. But I was also just thinking about how we'll need to think of a tradition to fill it with something so that it isn't empty. Maybe something everyone can share or some sort of donation.

  7. We have a stocking for Genevieve, and I had the same concern about it being empty. We decided that Santa would leave some kind of family gift in it. Last year's gift was a bird house. We don't have a lot of mementos out in our house for Genevieve, but given that this time of year is so much about family, I want to be very open with Eleanor and our friends about how much we miss her.

  8. I had a similar dilemma when we were getting ready to take family pictures yesterday..I was stressing out about what to take to represent Kayla, if anything. I don't have a special necklace or a bear or anything. I knew I didn't want to take her urn. I thought about her picture, but I don't share her picture with just anyone and I want to be able to share these pictures you said, it's a fine line. I ended up just weraing her birthstone ring which I wear regularly, and knowing that she is always with us no matter what things we have to represent them.

    I love the stocking---if I had enough money Livia would have every single thing from the pottery barn kids catalog!!

  9. Oh Lordy.

    I haven't even thought about Christmas decor and stuff like that. I can't think about Christmas until after Andrew's birthday.

    We didn't have a stocking for Andrew, but had a random stocking I got as a gift one year up for him... literally put up hours before he died. Then obviously last year, we boycotted Christmas and would do the same again this year if it weren't for a special little brother. No idea what we'll do about stockings. I don't think we'll ever monogram because that would make me sad. I don't know. Gawd. I'm all sad right now. :/

    That stocking for C is super cute. Like, super, super cute.

  10. I'm not usually into girlie things...but that stocking? Ridiculously cute.

  11. I'm not even going to read anyone else's comments, lest I decide not to write one myself for fear of upsetting someone or feeling like everything I'd say has already been said.

    Caro's stocking is, indeed, DARLING. That skirt. Honestly. And I like that the name is rather's a lovely choice.

    It's weird though, I'm sort of on the other side with the stocking for the missing child. My Mom made one for Anna - heavy duty cross stitch, a lot of time and effort. And I took great care in choosing the one I wanted her to make, one "just right" for our little girl for the rest of her life, as long as she wanted to use it. Maybe it's that Anna's due date was December 23rd, maybe it's that she died so close to Christmas that I want a Statement that she is supposed to be here. For me, that lies in hanging her stocking next to all of ours, as a very present part of our family. (That said, Catherine doesn't yet have one. Grandma's making hers now. But there's an empty spot for it, waiting to be filled!)

    Much love to your family this Christmas. Caro's the best present ever, for sure. (Besides having both girls but that's blatantly obvious, right?)

  12. Love the stocking. And I think I would feel the same way about the angel stocking. I know what you mean, it's not the stocking you want. It's her. And you can't have her and the stocking isn't going to help that. I'm thinking of you and Eliza. I know this time of year is going to be difficult.

  13. We have stockings for Reese and Scotlyn, but you're right-it's so damn hard to see them empty. The first year was horrible because they were empty and our lives were empty and it was the first Christmas. Last year I bought butterflies to put in them for their grave later in the spring-I didn't feel as bad as the first year, but of course wished they were here digging through lots of girly toys in them. Through all of this, there is never a right or wrong, it's what makes you feel most comfortable or at peace or just to survive the moment, the season, this life. Wow, Caroline is adorable and totally rockin' CHristmas!

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