Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Song of Good Hope

David and I went out last night.  Like, on a date.  To a concert.  Except not to dinner first because ZOMG leaving the baby with a babysitter who was not my mom was not easy for me!  So we had take out Chinese at home and then we went to the concert.

It was a great night.  (And Caroline did great for her babysitters and but seemed glad to see me--or my boobs--when we got home.)

Anyway, the concert was Glen Hansard and David is a big fan so I got him these tickets for this birthday.  The concert was at a nice small venue, and I loved it.

He sings a song that David calls "Caro's Song," but, as he explained to me last night, it's really about him and me making our way to Caro, finding our way to where we are now.  It's called "Song of Good Hope" and it goes like this:

Well, if we're gonna make it
Cross this river alive,
You'd better think like a boat
And go with the tide,

And I know where you've been
Has really left you in doubt
Of ever finding a harbor,
Of figuring this out,

And you're gonna need
All the help you can get,
So lift up your arms now,
And reach for it, reach for it

And take your time, babe,
It's not as bad as it seems,
You'll be fine, babe, 
It's just some rivers and streams
In between you and where you want to be

Watch the signs now,
You'll know what they mean
You'll be fine now
Just stay close to me
And may good hope walk with you through everything
May the song of good hope walk with you through everything

It's better when you hear him sing it, and even better when you hear him sing it live, and you're sitting next to someone you love and he squeezes your hand.

Glen played one other song that made me cry a little.  I think if I had to describe my pregnancy with Caro in a song, it just might be this one.  It made me think of how much I wanted to have another baby, how frustrated I was at how long it took, how scared I was to get pregnant again, how dangerous it seemed to take that risk, given all the pain we were in.  And how much I wanted to have the chance to love Eliza's brother or sister.  That song is called "Bird of Sorrow."

Even if a day feels too long
You feel like you can't wait another one
And you've slowly given up on everything
Love is gonna find you again
Love is gonna find you, you better be ready then

Well, you've been kneeling in the dark for far too long
You've been waiting for that spark but it hasn't come
I'm calling to you, please get off the floor
A good heart will find you again
A good heart will find you, just be ready then

Tethered to a bird of sorrow
A voice that's buried in the hollow
You've given over to self-deceiving
You prostrate bow but not believing
You've squandered more than you could borrow
You bet your joy on all tomorrows
For the hope of some returning
While everything around you is burning

Come on we gotta get out, get out of this mess we've made
And still, for all our talk,
We're both so afraid
Will we leave this up to chance
Like we do everything?
Love is is gonna find us again

Love is gonna find us, you gotta be ready then

You can take a listen here:

I'm not crazy about the idea of grief as a journey.  I just don't think you ever get to the end of losing a child.  I guess it's an ongoing journey, though, and maybe that's the point of the metaphor.  You keep going, one way or another.

So today, wherever you are on whatever journey you're taking, I say, May good hope walk with you through everything.

And remember--Love's gonna find you again.  You better be ready then.


  1. I love Glen Hansard...and his movie "Once." I still would have had a hard time leaving my baby is I give you huge props! I havent even left M with my husband or anyone else (not counting his NICU time). Glad you had a nice time!!!

  2. Love to you Brooke.
    Loved both songs
    Love both quotes you ended with

  3. This made me all teary. I love it. I already thought David was awesome but now I think he's extra great. :)

  4. Oh Brooke, I so needed this right now. Thank you for sharing.

  5. This post was particularly touching to me today, as I mark the 1 year anniversary of learning my daughter had died inside of me at 38 weeks and prepare to commemorate her 1st Birthday tomorrow. Thank you.

  6. You're a wise and wonderful woman.

    And Mr. Glen - spot on.