Monday, April 25, 2011

Thankful for TV

My husband is absent for the next three days.  At a camp.  With a bunch of fourth graders.  In the rain.  Without cell phone reception.  Suffice it say that he's not the happiest of campers.  And neither am I, for that matter.  I really miss him.

I am keeping close company with Cooper, however, who is completely spastic about this weather.  Thunder turns him into a shivery, trembling, panting, drooling mess, who needs to be on my lap and under a blanket, which is very endearing except for the dog breath and drooling part.

But because I am such a good-natured, open-hearted, delightful gem of a person, I am currently thinking about all I have to be thankful for.  The list goes pretty much like this:  Family, friends, dogs, television, ability to walk.

I'm really loving TV right now because it offers a brilliant escape from my own life and, best of all, entertains me without requiring any exertion on my part.  Here's my top 5 countdown of favorite ways to waste my time.

5. Hoarders: Buried Alive

I have one rule about this show:  I won't watch any episodes that involve live rats or dead cats.  That's just too traumatizing.  But for the most part, I find this show fascinating.  David HATES it.  He says it will give him nightmares.  As for me, it just inspires me to scrub my kitchen appliances and clean out my closet.  Plus I have to confess that it kind of makes me feel good about myself.  No matter how slatternly I feel, or how unwilling I am to get out of bed or off the couch some days, even if I have only eaten canned pears and tortilla chips, even if my sofa needs to be vacuumed, well, the truth is that I could be much worse off.  At least my bathroom isn't growing black mold and my family doesn't have to wear face masks in order to breathe in my house. 

4. Beverly Hills, 90210

The original series, mind you.  The clothes are horrendous, the hair is horrendous.  And yet Jennie Garth (aka Kelly Taylor) still manages to look so cool and cute no matter what.  Even in a cropped babydoll t-shirt and high waisted shorts.  And of COURSE the plots are ridiculous.  Fires!  Backstabbing!  Cheating!  Date rape!  Stalking!  Fighting!  Drug addiction!  Dylan's brooding, Steve's being obnoxious, Brandon's taking himself very seriously.  Donna is being aggravatingly nice to everyone, Kelly is fighting with Valerie, Clare is being bitchy to Steve.  What's not to like?  I like to put this show on when I'm not really going to pay attention to it, because it's not so good that I really want to watch it, but it's so great that I can just check in and get a little bit of drama every once in a while.  The high school episodes are okay, but my favorite ones are post-Brenda, when Kelly and Donna live in the beach apartment.  I love watching the reruns out of order when you never know who will be dating whom, but you know they'll all end up dating each other.

3.  Anything related to The Royal Wedding

Hello my new obsession.  What will I do when this week is over?  How long will they recap the elegant nuptials of William and Kate?  I am shamelessly watching every show and every interview with every tangentially related person that they are showing on TV.  Including the made-for-TV movie, William and Kate (I've seen it TWICE) and the documentary, Untold Stories of a Royal Bridesmaid about one of Diana's bridesmaids.  For one thing, this royal hooplah speaks to my love for all things British, and for another thing, I want to know what Kate Middleton does to get such shiny hair.  I am a little sad that the Obamas weren't invited (something about only foreign "royalty" getting the invite--SNOBS!).  But I love that they're getting married in Westminster Abbey, I love that the dress is going to be a huge surprise, and there is SO much speculation about what it might look like.  I love the media commenting on what the Queen approves of or doesn't.  I love how the American media bashes the British media for stalking "Waitie Katie" when really they are exploiting this poor young couple the exact same way.  And Yankee commoners like me are eating it up.  We LUV princesses!  I was even tempted to order the QVC replica of the engagement ring but then I felt like maybe that was a leetle crazy.  (But still awesome.)

2.  Say Yes to the Dress

This show is so great.  David tries to ignore it when I watch it.  He busies himself with his laptop, but the other day I was watching an episode in which a girl buys a dress and then gets home and changes her mind.  The teaser before the break showed the bride saying something like, "I loved that dress, but then I got home and I started to HATE it!"  David blurted out, "Oh NO!" in this totally sincere reaction to the bride's change of heart.  Haha!  It has universal appeal.  I love Randy's eyebrows, I love that one consultant's bangs, I love the crazy brides, I love when they bring their whole freaking family and wedding party and in-laws.  I love when their budget exceeds $5,000.  I love remembering how I felt when I tried on my wedding dress (like Eliza Doolittle in the ballroom scene of My Fair Lady).  I remember how I was choosing between two beautiful dresses and my friend Beth gushed all about the first one and how beautiful it was and how that had to be THE dress, and then I came out in the second dress and her eyes filled up with tears and we were both like OMG THIS is THE dress.  I love how happy the brides are when they say yes to the dress.  And you KNOW that whatever Kate Middleton's dress looks like, it's going to be ALL the rage at Kleinfeld's.  I kind of want a replica of it already and (1) I don't know what it will look like and (2) I have absolutely no use for a wedding dress.  But seriously this show makes me want to have another wedding.  With an unlimited budget.  And maybe a theme...

1. The New Adventures of Old Christine

My all time favorite new (to me) show because it never fails to make me laugh.  Christine's ridiculous narcissism reminds me of myself at my worst.  Only funnier, obvy.  And her total awkwardness in her efforts to be politically correct and her habit of using non sequiturs ("I'm not racist!  I drive a Prius!").  I love her love for wine, her penchant for getting herself into embarrassing situations, and the way she is lazy and doesn't really like to work or clean.  Also her show makes me glad I'm not dating.  I especially like her relationship with her brother, Matthew, who reminds me of my brother, Brandon, in that they are both tall and have very deep voices and unruly dark hair and are smart and weird.  It's mostly the way that Christine and Matthew make fun of each other that reminds me of Brandon and myself. 

Christine and Matthew

Brandon and Brooke.  Here we are, posing in South Korea at Lotte World.  Brandon's hair is covered by a battered Pirates cap, but it could look just like Matthew's if he let it.
So there you have it.  This is what I'm doing when I *should* be doing a zillion other things.  Hey, as long as my bathroom isn't growing black mold and you can see the floor of my living room, I think I'm in good shape.

So...  what am I missing?  Tell me what nonsense shows I need to add to my DVR.  Besides that new one about coupons...  I've already got it scheduled to record.  Has anybody watched My Strange Addiction?  I haven't seen it yet, but based on the previews, it could become MY next addiction...


  1. That beach house? I lived about 2 miles from there for about 26 years. Looks exactly the same... have no fear old-school fans.

  2. I was about to jump in and tell you that you need to start watching Extreme Couponing. I am extremely disappointed that I'm not able to cash in on these deals (like 5000 tubes of toothpaste and 140 of pain reliever because they "PAID ME TO TAKE IT OUT OF THE STORE".


    Ps. I love all things royal. I really want to buy this, but my husband won't let me. Obviously he's jealous. ha

  3. Hoarders and Yes to the Dress both fascinate me for different reasons. Who in their right mind spends $10,000 on a dress? Who needs six cases of chicken broth? People are so interesting!!

    I think we could be friends IRL.

  4. We don't get 90210 reruns right now and I think I've watched every episode of Say Yes at least twice so I've had to find new time wasters. My newest one is Fashion Police. Completely pointless and there are catty comments about celebrities. And what's not to love about a show with a segment called "Starlet or Streetwalker"?

  5. This post and the comments are cracking me up tonight. Love it.
    No TV recommendations since I literally swore it off after September. Been reading a lot though.. the Harry Potter Series is wonderful ( I know- VERY late to the party!).

  6. You and I are two peas in a pod. House is clean-ish, why not watch a bit of TV?

    I just started Army Wives and I am obsessed. It's definitely a drama, very sad, most episodes make me cry, but that's kind-of the place I'm in right now - I need to release some of the emotions somehow.

    My hairdresser just recommended New Adventures ... perhaps I should watch that one next.

  7. If hoarders improves your self confidence then strange addiction will triple that. Just my opinion. I am not a steady watcher of hoarders, but the man loves it and I love to make comments to him in regards to this when he whines that I have too many clothes or shoes or whatever. I must say though I have been frightened by the concept especially after one of the most recent episodes of House featured a hoarder and at the heart of the whole mess was a trunk containing baby clothes. Yup that was a little to close for comfort. David should earn a medal by the way!

  8. I love trash tv! Over here in England we have a bunch of our own shows, but we get some of the US ones as well. I think we're a couple of years behind on most but the ones I like are the Real Houswives.

    My favorites are the Orange County and New York versions. They are trashtastic!!!

  9. I must confess to watching Hoarders and feeling slightly smug about it (and yet repulsed at the same time). I watched the coupon show once but didn't get it - who needs that much toilet paper? Ahhh, tv. What would I do without you?

  10. Yes, yes, yes. Broken-est record ever: why don't you live closer? We can sit on our dog-hair-covered sofas together and watch these shows together. Just ridiculous that we have such similar tastes in tv and qualmlessness about the amount of time we spend watching...and yet we have to do it halfway across the country from one another.

    I thought about watching My Strange Addiction but I saw the girl who ate couch cushions and thought that maybe it was too weird even for my taste.

    Oh I'm also ridiculously involved in watching House Hunters - I especially love the international versions where they are buying homes in places like Belize and the Bahamas.

  11. I don't have cable anymore, damn! But when I did, Intervention was one of my favorites. Especially with a glass of wine and a cigarette, because no matter what I was doing, it certainly didn't involve running down the street naked because I'd done too many drugs. Win for me. I loved NCIS, and for reasons I can't fathom, The Dog Whisperer. I don't have dogs, I have no plans to get dogs, I don't know. I also like Divine Design, and House Hunters International because yes I do want a house on whatever warm beach they're showing today. Ohhh and I LOVE the 'I had this disease for 700 hundred years and no one could figure out what it was and I almost DIED but then I didn't because this super awesome doctor finally figured it out.' shows because who knows when I'll get one of those diseases?!! I have to be prepared. And anything about mental illness. Probably for the same reason. I miss cable.

  12. Love me some Hoarders and New Adventures of Old Christine.
    You should check out Sister Wives. It's a trainwreck you just can't tear your eyes away from. It's fascinating how all the women say they welcome their sisters yet express extreme jealousy at the same time. I really don't know how they afford to live with that many kids and not all the moms working.
    Pregnant in Heels is also quite entertaining yet sickening at the same time. Celebrity women who hire a "pregnancy concierge" to take care of matters like choosing their baby's name? Gag me.

  13. extreme couponing is crazy, I wish I was that dedicated. I have seem My strange addiction but can't watch it anymore-those people are nuts in my opinion. Ever seen The Big Bang Theory it is one of my fave's, its not reality tv though but pretty funny

  14. American Pickers on History. It awesome and the stuff they find is so cool.