Thankful for TV

My husband is absent for the next three days.  At a camp.  With a bunch of fourth graders.  In the rain.  Without cell phone reception.  Suffice it say that he's not the happiest of campers.  And neither am I, for that matter.  I really miss him.

I am keeping close company with Cooper, however, who is completely spastic about this weather.  Thunder turns him into a shivery, trembling, panting, drooling mess, who needs to be on my lap and under a blanket, which is very endearing except for the dog breath and drooling part.

But because I am such a good-natured, open-hearted, delightful gem of a person, I am currently thinking about all I have to be thankful for.  The list goes pretty much like this:  Family, friends, dogs, television, ability to walk.

I'm really loving TV right now because it offers a brilliant escape from my own life and, best of all, entertains me without requiring any exertion on my part.  Here's my top 5 countdown of favorite ways to waste my time.

5. Hoarders: Buried Alive

I have one rule about this show:  I won't watch any episodes that involve live rats or dead cats.  That's just too traumatizing.  But for the most part, I find this show fascinating.  David HATES it.  He says it will give him nightmares.  As for me, it just inspires me to scrub my kitchen appliances and clean out my closet.  Plus I have to confess that it kind of makes me feel good about myself.  No matter how slatternly I feel, or how unwilling I am to get out of bed or off the couch some days, even if I have only eaten canned pears and tortilla chips, even if my sofa needs to be vacuumed, well, the truth is that I could be much worse off.  At least my bathroom isn't growing black mold and my family doesn't have to wear face masks in order to breathe in my house. 

4. Beverly Hills, 90210

The original series, mind you.  The clothes are horrendous, the hair is horrendous.  And yet Jennie Garth (aka Kelly Taylor) still manages to look so cool and cute no matter what.  Even in a cropped babydoll t-shirt and high waisted shorts.  And of COURSE the plots are ridiculous.  Fires!  Backstabbing!  Cheating!  Date rape!  Stalking!  Fighting!  Drug addiction!  Dylan's brooding, Steve's being obnoxious, Brandon's taking himself very seriously.  Donna is being aggravatingly nice to everyone, Kelly is fighting with Valerie, Clare is being bitchy to Steve.  What's not to like?  I like to put this show on when I'm not really going to pay attention to it, because it's not so good that I really want to watch it, but it's so great that I can just check in and get a little bit of drama every once in a while.  The high school episodes are okay, but my favorite ones are post-Brenda, when Kelly and Donna live in the beach apartment.  I love watching the reruns out of order when you never know who will be dating whom, but you know they'll all end up dating each other.

3.  Anything related to The Royal Wedding

Hello my new obsession.  What will I do when this week is over?  How long will they recap the elegant nuptials of William and Kate?  I am shamelessly watching every show and every interview with every tangentially related person that they are showing on TV.  Including the made-for-TV movie, William and Kate (I've seen it TWICE) and the documentary, Untold Stories of a Royal Bridesmaid about one of Diana's bridesmaids.  For one thing, this royal hooplah speaks to my love for all things British, and for another thing, I want to know what Kate Middleton does to get such shiny hair.  I am a little sad that the Obamas weren't invited (something about only foreign "royalty" getting the invite--SNOBS!).  But I love that they're getting married in Westminster Abbey, I love that the dress is going to be a huge surprise, and there is SO much speculation about what it might look like.  I love the media commenting on what the Queen approves of or doesn't.  I love how the American media bashes the British media for stalking "Waitie Katie" when really they are exploiting this poor young couple the exact same way.  And Yankee commoners like me are eating it up.  We LUV princesses!  I was even tempted to order the QVC replica of the engagement ring but then I felt like maybe that was a leetle crazy.  (But still awesome.)


2.  Say Yes to the Dress

This show is so great.  David tries to ignore it when I watch it.  He busies himself with his laptop, but the other day I was watching an episode in which a girl buys a dress and then gets home and changes her mind.  The teaser before the break showed the bride saying something like, "I loved that dress, but then I got home and I started to HATE it!"  David blurted out, "Oh NO!" in this totally sincere reaction to the bride's change of heart.  Haha!  It has universal appeal.  I love Randy's eyebrows, I love that one consultant's bangs, I love the crazy brides, I love when they bring their whole freaking family and wedding party and in-laws.  I love when their budget exceeds $5,000.  I love remembering how I felt when I tried on my wedding dress (like Eliza Doolittle in the ballroom scene of My Fair Lady).  I remember how I was choosing between two beautiful dresses and my friend Beth gushed all about the first one and how beautiful it was and how that had to be THE dress, and then I came out in the second dress and her eyes filled up with tears and we were both like OMG THIS is THE dress.  I love how happy the brides are when they say yes to the dress.  And you KNOW that whatever Kate Middleton's dress looks like, it's going to be ALL the rage at Kleinfeld's.  I kind of want a replica of it already and (1) I don't know what it will look like and (2) I have absolutely no use for a wedding dress.  But seriously this show makes me want to have another wedding.  With an unlimited budget.  And maybe a theme...

1. The New Adventures of Old Christine

My all time favorite new (to me) show because it never fails to make me laugh.  Christine's ridiculous narcissism reminds me of myself at my worst.  Only funnier, obvy.  And her total awkwardness in her efforts to be politically correct and her habit of using non sequiturs ("I'm not racist!  I drive a Prius!").  I love her love for wine, her penchant for getting herself into embarrassing situations, and the way she is lazy and doesn't really like to work or clean.  Also her show makes me glad I'm not dating.  I especially like her relationship with her brother, Matthew, who reminds me of my brother, Brandon, in that they are both tall and have very deep voices and unruly dark hair and are smart and weird.  It's mostly the way that Christine and Matthew make fun of each other that reminds me of Brandon and myself. 

Christine and Matthew

Brandon and Brooke.  Here we are, posing in South Korea at Lotte World.  Brandon's hair is covered by a battered Pirates cap, but it could look just like Matthew's if he let it.

So there you have it.  This is what I'm doing when I *should* be doing a zillion other things.  Hey, as long as my bathroom isn't growing black mold and you can see the floor of my living room, I think I'm in good shape.

So...  what am I missing?  Tell me what nonsense shows I need to add to my DVR.  Besides that new one about coupons...  I've already got it scheduled to record.  Has anybody watched My Strange Addiction?  I haven't seen it yet, but based on the previews, it could become MY next addiction...