Friday, April 1, 2011

Feeding Time at the Zoo

Cooper and Little Mac have been the source of more than a few blog posts (the former is a pan.tyfreak and the latter in need of an exorcism) but lately they have been a much-needed source of comfort and laughter for us.

Sister, as we have nicknamed Little Mac, has a bit of a split personality issue, a habit of attacking her own ass when she feels stressed out, and a weakness for any sort of people food (if you drop it, she wants it--including raw asparagus and lettuce leaves).  Her personal ad on a dating site would read something like, Deceptively adorable-looking Pek-a-poo with intimacy issues seeks lover who respects boundaries.  Enjoys car rides, popcorn, and Parmesan cheese.  Does not like baths, haircuts, the vacuum cleaner, or unsolicited affection.  Do not f*ck with me or I will bite ur ass.

I destroyed mah bed and I will destroy u.

If Mac is our fighter, then Cooper is our lover.  This dude was born to snuggle and is happiest when he is on the sofa leaning on or lying on top of someone (he's not particular about who it is as long as you're not our mailman).  His personal ad would read, Snuggly Puggle seeks constant companionship with a loving, affectionate, enthusiastic partner who has few personal boundaries and lots of doggie treats.  Enjoys the finest pleasures in life:  eating, sniffing peed-on bushes, rolling in nasty-smelling things, and cuddling afterward.  Hates mailmen, cats with claws, and being bullied by Sister.  Seeks a partner who values loyalty but is open to sharing the love. 

The ladies be crazy 'bout a barrel-chested man with twig-legs. 

I know, our dogs are ridiculous.  But we love them.

Since we've returned from our trip (a week during which the dogs stayed with my parents and terrorized my mom's already-emotionally-fragile cats), I have come to realize that dinner for our dogs has become a ridiculously elaborate exercise in catering to their high-maintenance issues (as I'm sure my parents would agree.) 

To start with, they eat twice a day.  David feeds them when he gets up in the morning, and I feed them again in the afternoon.  Coop gets one scoop in his bowl and one scoop in his treat stick (more on that later).  Mac gets one scoop in her dish. They also they eat two different kinds of food.  Little Mac is eleven years old so she eats food specially made for "mature, small breed" dogs.  She prefers to graze and when she was our only dog, that was fine.  However, Cooper is a bottomless pit whose metabolism does match his appetite.  So we have him on low-calorie diet dog food.  Additionally, we have to keep him occupied while Little Mac eats, or he will wait for her to get distracted and gulp her entire meal in just a couple of bites.

This has resulted in an elaborate procedure that consists of sprinkling Parmesan cheese on Little Mac's food so that she will be interested enough to eat it before Cooper gets a chance (do you know what Parmesan cheese on top of dog food smells like?  Barf + body odor + dog breath.  Ah, what an aroma.) and putting Cooper's serving in a "treat stick" that he has to push around on the floor, rolling it to release one piece of food at a time (No, he likes it!).

(Ignore my voice--why do I have to sound like that when I talk to the dogs?  I swear I don't talk like that in real life.)

Meanwhile, since we have gotten home, Little Mac has suddenly developed a new (and irritating) habit of inexplicably demanding three meals a day instead of two (she's getting nearly 1/2 a cup OVER the daily recommended serving for her weight--and yet she remains so slim!).  This is how she communicates that she wants us to fill her dish:

Believe me, she is incredibly persistent.  I inevitably give in to her demands.

Cheese.  I lurves it. I lurve to lick it off my chin.

I swear these two dogs are total pains in the butt but who could resist those faces? 

I might not have responded to their personal ads, but I would be totally lost without them now.


  1. Too funny! Thanks for sharing!! They are both so sweet! Funny thing is.. my code to type in to get this comment to publish is "pugsh" So I think your pugsh are freakin adorable!

  2. OMG I love them both so much. Our Woo desperately needs that treat stick - he is a hoover on his dinner and is done in 5 seconds. We have a metal bowl in a metal holder thing and when he wants more he goes to his dish and licks it so that it rattles in its holder - kind of like a prisoner rattling on the bars of his cell. Nice.

  3. Eek! They are so fricking adorable. I remember Buddy being a great source of strength for me in the early days/months, walking with him was something I could do every day and felt good about. So glad you have them both - flaws and all.

  4. Your doggies are so cute and you love them so much. It's great to have animals who can get you to do extra things for them. I tell everyone that us humans have e-mail while our doggie gets p-mail while he is on a walk...LOL. :)

  5. They are hilarious! Love the big one with the treat stick. He's so determined.

  6. They are SO stinkin' cute.. and thanks for the videos.. I like your doggie pick-me-ups.
    If they ever want a pen pal we have a 100lb Bernese Mountain dog.. goes by Baron.. or STOP IT... he recognizes both!

  7. Little Mac needs to break the 3 meals a day habit before she comes to visit me again! You really should post a video of the dogs while popping microwave popcorn-they have some lovely singing!

  8. Awe, they are so completely all the pictures & their personal ads are hilarious! Dogs are so amazing, I feel the same way about ours. I cannot imagine my life without them.

  9. Ha, little clowns. I'm glad you have them to keep you laughing. Little Mac is one smart beastie.

  10. You are lying. You do so talk like that. You should give us some video of your ral dog know, for an extended conversation.