Making an Effort

The thing about having a good day is that in order to have one, I have to exert a lot of energy.  Make a plan to meet a friend, go to a coffee shop, go to Target, bake a cake.  It takes so much effort.

But (as with exercise) the effort is almost always worth it.

So Lent starts tomorrow and however unclear I feel about some of the big philosophical questions, I love the traditions and rituals of religion.  This is why I find certain aspects of the Catholic faith so appealing (even though my politics would never allow me to be Catholic).  I love the pomp and circumstance.

Beyond the idea of rituals, I'm also trying to embrace the basic Lenten message that hope springs eternal.  So this year I am acknowledging Lent by taking on something new rather than giving up anything.  I am going to make the effort to do something fun with a friend at LEAST once a week between now and Easter.  AND I'm going to post about it.  This way those of you reading will know that while I continue to spend plenty of time sobbing on the couch, I'm also doing other stuff.  And while "doing something fun with a friend" doesn't really seem like much, when you take into consideration how anti-social and misanthropic I've been feeling lately, it's actually kind of a big deal.

And the thing is that I mostly think about making plans with the same kind of trepidation I would approach giving up alcohol or television or cheese.  I just don't want to do it.  I love my friends, but the energy that it takes to be normal and go to lunch or go to shopping, it's just exhausting.  So most of the time, I'd rather not return the phone call or sometimes even answer the phone because I have nothing new to say and I'm tired of saying I'm still sad with no sign of this getting better anytime soon and I am afraid my friends are also tired of hearing it.  But the thing is that then I'm not given them enough credit for how much better they can make me feel.  Because without exception, every time I've spent a couple of hours with a friend, I end up feeling much better for it.

For example...  today I had coffee and graded papers with a friend of mine who just proposed to his girlfriend last week.  We talked about the proposal, about his wedding, about our students, our spring break plans, and, yes, about Eliza.  I got a little teary talking about her, but the point is that I still felt good when I headed home.  Much better than I would have if I'd followed my alternative plans for the day:  sit home and feel sorry for self.

Once I got home, I was motivated enough to multitask!  I baked a cake while simultaneously "making my bottom half into my better half!"

That's right.  I did it.  I bought a pair of Sketchers Shape Ups and wore them while standing in front of the Kitchen Aid mixer, watching it work the eggs into the cake mix.  I'm a wicked good multitasker like that.

Not to worry, fashionistas who are groaning in agony, I didn't buy the huge rounded ones that look orthopedic.  I bought the less offensive ones that are basically like the Reebok tone up shoes (which I was originally planning to buy) but these were $30 less.

 They're not so bad, huh?

See, the sole is pretty normal looking.  And yet!  They promise to do magical things for my butt.  No, really.  I am sure it will totally work.

So far I have pretty much just worn them around the house.  Cooper was very disappointed because normally lacing up tennis shoes = walking the dogs but today it was raining.

Cooper pouts and chews on his bed to express his frustration.

BUT once it stops raining, I'm also committing to walking the dog every. single. day for the next forty days (except for the part that I'm in Florida without them).  It's a commitment I can stick to because Cooper makes me feel so guilty and that's about the only way I can get motivated sometimes.  Plus, you know, I'll be wearing the new shoes.

Our Florida trip is now right on the horizon and I am trying to get excited about it.  I'm still having a lot of the "why go be sad in Florida when I can just sit here and be sad with much less effort?" but I'm trying to remember that no matter how shitty I feel, it will be nice to have a week away with David and even if I'm sad, I can still sit outside and have a drink and soak up the sunshine (wearing the spf, obvs).

In other news, Little Mac continues to be the weirdest little dog.  The other morning she followed me into the closet when I was getting ready and then proceeded to sit around like this for several minutes:

Finally, I was like, "Um, Little Mac?  Whatcha doing, Sister?"

 And she was all, "Wut?  Wutz ur problem?  I like to smell the shirtz."

Funny how a couple of crazy dogs pretty much save my sanity.  We're hoping Little Mac will give up crazy ass-chasing and random barking-freak-outs for Lent, but we're not going to hold our breath.