Tuesday, November 23, 2010

How to Eat Steamed Worms

Today was a day full of appointments--dentist, doctor, hospital tour.  Plus lots of errands.  The stack of grading that needs to be done?  Yeah, it's still there, needing to be done.  I am now using pregnancy-related-carpal-tunnel as my excuse for procrastinating.  And it seriously does hurt to write (not to type, though, honestly).

Anyway, we had the hospital tour lined up for this evening and David was running late getting home from work.  I was annoyed because he told me he'd be home at 5:30 and then never called or texted to let me know otherwise, so by 5:45 I was having visions of terrible car accidents, a fatherless Baby Duck, and my future in shambles.  In reality, David was not in a car accident, but was sitting at his desk, suspending kids from the school bus and making phone calls to several different parents (some of them more hysterical than others) to sort out a serious bullying issue.

He got home pretty tired and after telling him that next time he must at least text me to let me know he'll be late, I served up the dinner I'd made:  red beans and rice with broccoli.

I have no special recipe for red beans and rice.  I buy it prepackaged at the grocery store.  Then I steam broccoli (we're just now eating the last of our garden's bountiful production broccoli--it did remarkably well, which is more than I can say for our tomatoes) and once it's steamy, I sprinkle just a little bit of Penzey's Mural of Flavor spice mix over the broccoli.  Then I dish it up on top of the beans and rice and mix it all together.  It's simple and easy and absolutely delicious.  It is one of my favorite meals.  If I were single, I would probably eat it for dinner at least three times a week.

So we sat down at the table and David told me the story of his day and the bullying and the parents and I nodded sympathetically and chowed down on my rice and beans.  At one point, David's voice kind of trailed off and I looked up and asked him if his food was ok.  He said yes, it was good, and then kept eating and talking. 

Then his voice trailed off again.  Was he that tired?  He was forgetting the story in the midst of telling it?

No.  This time the food was not ok.

This time, there was a f&*%ing worm on his broccoli.

A small little white garden worm.  Maybe half an inch long.  Maybe not technically a worm, because I am pretty sure it had feet.

David announced very calmly, "There's a worm on this broccoli."

He held up his fork to show it to me.

And I totally lost my shit.

For some reason this statement--which was said absolutely without malice, accusation, or any tone other than pretty much objective commentary--made me burst into tears and start sobbing at the table.

I also gagged a couple of times because, obviously.

David got up and hugged me and said it was ok and that he should have washed the broccoli more carefully before he put it in the fridge.  I said that I had washed the broccoli again before I cooked it and he said that the worms must just really stick to the broccoli.

Which made me cry harder.

I really don't know why I was crying so much.  I was totally ruining my make up and we were supposed to be at our hospital tour in thirty minutes.  There was just something so horrifying about the idea that I had just consumed worms and also that one of the few times I try to prepare dinner for us, I manage to completely and totally screw it up.

Also maybe it was a hormonal thing?

We'd both sort of lost our appetites at that time, and we had to be at the hospital by 7:45, so David cleared the dishes while I went to the bathroom and mopped the mascara off my cheeks.  I was afraid that I'd eaten a worm (or several???) without noticing and David was trying to tell me that it would be good protein for the baby which really did not make me feel any better.  Gag gag gag.

We made it to the hospital tour on time but the whole time we were there, I kept feeling like there were worms crawling up my throat.  David assured me they would be dead and not crawling.  Somehow, this was not comforting.

David picked up Long John Silvers on the way home, but my appetite was totally gone and the smell of fried grease did not revive it.

I'm still not hungry but I'm going to try to have some yogurt and fruit while we watch Glee.  Baby Duck needs protein!  Not in the form of steamed worms, of course.

Although if you have to eat steamed worms, you might consider a sprinkling of Penzey's Mural of Flavor.  I'm sure it only improves them.


  1. Oh no! That stinks. Beans and rice sounds good though. I'll have to do that soon!

  2. One time, my dad ate a slug in this frozen chow mein. Ask him about it:)