Pup In Boots

So the new floors are lovely.

Or, they were lovely.  Until a certain dog got a little too big for his britches and f***ing SCRATCHED them!

There was a flying leap from my lap to defend the house from a malevolent ten-year-old riding the bike in the alley.

The frantic barking-his-ass-off attack for the sinister mail delivery person.

The total blow your ever-loving mind meltdown when the evil UPS truck should dare to drive down our street, much less STOP at our house.

These are the things that make Cooper tear around like an absolute maniac, barking and barking his warnings so that we might all escape the apocalypse brought upon us by these unwelcome intruders. 

Except, there is no apocalypse and we are not in danger.  Just neighborhood kids riding bikes, the dog-fearing mailman dropping off another J.Crew catalog, and the nice UPS lady who actually leaves treats for the very dog who sounds like he would like to eat her alive.

The only thing in danger here is my floor.

We decided when we put the floors in that we were no longer going to crate Cooper.  He has a huge crate (big enough for a hundred pound dog; he is thirty pounds) that we inherited from a neighbor who moved the very weekend that Cooper ate a sofa cushion (ok, just ripped it open and ate some stuffing) and we decided we just needed some kind of barrier to separate him from our furniture while we were gone.

Even though he is mostly a Good Boy these days (chewing has pretty much stopped; panties the obvious exception--when he can get them), we were still crating him out of habit and because it keeps him from shedding on the furniture while we're gone.

The new floors prompted us to do some rearranging and we decided that the huge crate had to go.  It was totally ruining my design aesthetic.  Meaning, it was ugly.  Also, huge.

So now Cooper has run of the house which didn't seem to be a problem.  Until I vacuumed the shiny new floors and noticed the gouge near the love seat.  And another by the front door.  And a big scratch in the back room!

This in spite of a recent nail trim and grinding.

This is bad news.

I freaked out to David, "These floors are going to be the most expensive mistake we ever made!  What were we thinking listening to the guy at Home Depot who said it would be fine for pets?  We should have listened to my cousin Amanda!"

I was at a loss at how to control the situation except to start crating Cooper again when we are not home and wrestle him to the ground, counterproductively shouting, "SETTLE!" everytime we're home and someone comes to the door.

David--who was not excited about the scratches either--had another idea.

That's a pup in boots!

Let's just say it's going as well as might be expected.

WTF?  Do not even think about the front paws.