Thursday, May 27, 2010

Dog Days

I'm in that weird limbo-place between the end of the semester and the start of my summer class.  There was a week of celebratory downtime where I felt justified just sort of hanging out, reading for pleasure, cleaning house, etc.  But now that graduation has happened and nothing much has happened since then, it just feels weird to not have a job or a dissertation to do. 

My friends are doing exciting things like:

- starting summer internships at law firms where they have assistants assisting them and they get free diet pop all day
- moving to the Pacific Northwest
- vacationing on the gulf coast (and avoiding the oil spill)
- taking a long Memorial Day Weekend and going to Chicago
- attending a wedding in Napa

My plan for today?  Finish re-reading Fahrenheit 451 in preparation for teaching it in June.  Sketch out a couple of lecture/discussions about the novel.  Give dogs heartworm pills.  Take Cooper to the park.  Go to the grocery store.

So far I have accomplished:  "Give dogs Cooper heartworm pill."

So my dogs get these chewable pills that are supposed to taste good.  They leave a bad taste in my mouth, regardless, because I always order them from one of the online pet supply stores and they always have to call my vet for the prescription and there is always some kind of mistake or miscommunication because I've used the wrong last name or transcribed a credit card number or forgotten to tell my vet I placed the order and so the vet denies the prescription and then we have to make a bunch more phone calls straightening out the whole mess.  And I always order them with their flea and tick repellent and it always costs much more than anyone wants to spend on a couple of mangy dogs and David always freaks out about the total when it goes through our online banking and I always say that he was the one who wanted two dogs and dogs are freaking expensive.

You'd think for all this trouble that the pills could at least actually taste good, and it seems that, in fact, they do, given that Cooper happily chomps his down and swallows it without fuss when I offer it like any other treat.

Little Mac is, of course, a totally different story.

Of course I am.  You want to cross me, bitch?  I don't think so.

This morning, I wrapped the pill in cheese and tried to give it to her.  She wasn't interested and growled at me to let me know.  Then Cooper came over to see what kind of treat I was offering Little Mac.  This inspired her to at least take the pill from me (she didn't want it, but she didn't want Brother to have it either--this same mindset has caused them to fight over raw asparagus and uncooked noodles that have fallen on the kitchen floor).  She appeared to be chewing it so I put Cooper outside to get him out of the way and went back to make sure she'd eaten the pill.

But no.  She had spit it out on the bedroom carpet and was trying to eat the cheese off the pill without eating the pill itself, resulting in a lot of dog spit and drool everywhere.

I pretended I was going to pick up the pill, hoping that would make her want it more.

It didn't.

She walked out of the room, leaving the mushy, slobbery, pill-cheese mess on the floor.

I picked up the pill in a kleenex because, gross.  Cooper wanted back inside.  I let him in and knelt down in front of Mac, trying to get her to take the pill off the kleenex.  I held the wadded tissue out toward her with the pill right on top.

She growled, lunged, and bit the tissue right out of my hand, narrowly missing my fingers.

Then she proceeded to fling it off to the side, where I had to grab it to keep Cooper from eating the tissue in its entirety, now that it smells of cheese and delicious chewable heartworm pill.

Mac never ate the pill at all.

I have decided not to feed her breakfast in hopes that if she gets hungry, she'll figure a soggy mushy pill with colby jack cheese wrapped around it and bits of kleenex stuck to it is better than nothing.

So far all she's done is nap on the love seat.

Please do not disturb.  Very comfortable here.  Also, I hate you.

It is a battle of wills between Little Mac and me.

You will lose.  Suckah!  Now I need more sleep.  Attacking kleenex is very exhausting business.

This could be a long day.


  1. Shouldn't you just let Little Mac get heartworms?

  2. You should try the topical kind! It got too difficult for me to give my (toothless) dogs pills. I use Advantage Multi now, which is a flea preventative and heartworm preventative as well!

  3. I didn't know they had the two in one pill for heartworms and fleas - thank you anonymous for that info!
    What Brandon said crossed my mind too though I felt bad thinking that...