Wednesday, April 21, 2010

What was that thing Oscar Wilde said about club membership...?

Clearly he had never been to Sam's Club.

Or maybe he had.  Because there are a million things I hate about Sam's Club--rampant materialism, conspicuous consumption, etc., etc.

And yet there are a million things I love at Sam's Club too.

My mom is always mocking us for buying things in bulk for our two-person household.  It is true that we don't go through instant rice so fast that we really need to buy the gianormous box of rice, but David cannot resist the bargain of bulk-purchases.

Today he told me that he'd picked up a surprise for me at Sam's.  This was waiting for me in the kitchen:

Proof that good things come in threes.  Or fours, if you are into your electric toothbrush.  Which I totally am.

You might be thinking that a three-pack of Nutella would be just about as exciting as Sam's Club gets.  And you might be right (unless you're buying the extra-big wine bottle that won't fit in a fridge). 

But now it turns out that David is using Sam's to address one of my new food issues. 

As I might have mentioned before, I sort of have food issues.  I just get very grossed out about certain things.  Like dead animals.  I am also trying more and more to avoid heavily processed food with lots of chemicals.  Of course this means much picking and choosing (Organic apples:  Yes.  Organic grapes:  Too expensive.  Make my own bread?  Yes, that is what the new mixer is for.  Cheetos are on sale?  Excellent.).

I get a little crazy about certain things.  Like I have to buy free-range, vegetarian fed eggs.  Other things (like Cheetos) I force myself to relax about.  (Because life without Cheetos?  Sad.)

So the new issue is that recently my cousin Amanda (who has already convinced me never to eat microwaved popcorn again) mentioned that pre-shredded cheese is coated with chemicals that keep the little shreds from sticking together.  Ew, right?  I mean, why ingest extra chemicals when I could just shred the cheese myself?

So then I said something to David about this, along the lines of "Rather than buying shredded cheese in BULK, we should probably shred our own cheese."

He announced tonight that he has a project for me:

 Who's the weirdo with two huge blocks of cheese?  Reader, I married him.

So now you can call me the Shredder.  [Insert Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle joke of your own]


  1. You crack me up. But it's true. I dare you to taste packaged shredded mozzarella cheese and compare it to fresh grated. It's kind of like your lettuce.. I had no idea that's what mozzarella was supposed to taste like. And really in the end, it doesn't take very long to shred your own, it's cheaper to buy it in block form, and you can freeze the blocks if you buy in bulk. I'll let you know if I come up with any other issues that I can pass on to you. I did just read an article about how it is better and cheaper to make your own laundry soap... :)

  2. I have read about this laundry soap! I really should give it a try. We buy mozzarella from this Italian grocery store on the Hill and you are absolutely right that it is nothing like the shredded stuff at the store. I can't wait for tomatoes--I plan to live on tomato mozzarella sandwiches this summer.