Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Agonizing Demise of Mr. Jack O'Lantern

Hey there, Mr. Jack O'Lantern. You were a big-ass pumpkin. You're looking pretty confident and self-assured, sitting on our front porch like you don't have a care in the world. I might even say that your jagged teeth are kinda fierce.

What's that? You look scared rather than scary! You're not afraid of the dark are you, Mr. O'Lantern? Surely ghosts and goblins don't scare you! Oh really? You're afraid of squirrels? Now that just seems silly. They're so small and skittish. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Oh NO! Attack of the killer mutant SQUIRRELS!!! They've EATEN your FACE! And your jaggedy teeth! Now you have a creepy screaming mouth that extends all the way into your nasal cavity. Look at the dried up brown leaf blown inside your mouth by an ominous wind. That bodes no good. You're totally creeping me out, man. And I'm afraid you might scare trick-or-treaters. Maybe we'd better move you to the backyard....

Where the Jack-O-Lantern-flesh-eating squirrels can eat your eyes and make your skull cave in.

Halloween is a tough season for the pumpkins. Better luck next year, Jack.

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