Saturday, July 18, 2009

Conversations About My Burn

Kid at Learning Center: (mocking) You were wearing that outfit last time.

Me: What? (thinking, I most certainly was not wearing this same outfit last week you little freak, I think I can keep track of what I was wearing when)

Kid at Learning Center: (points to my arm)

Me: (my tone says "You are an idiot.") Um, this is a bandaid.

Kid at Learning Center: (slightly abashed) Oh.

* * *

Parent at Learning Center: Why do you always wear that thing on your arm?

Me: (my face says you are rude, my voice remains pleasant yet dismissive) I burned my arm.

Parent: Oh. I thought maybe it was covering a tattoo.

* * *

1st-Grade Twin #1 at Learning Center: What happened to your arm?

Me: I burned it. This is a bandaid.

1st-Grade Twin #1: That must have really hurt!

Me: Yes I am having surgery on it to remove the scar.

Pompous Dad of Twins: Oh plastic surgery? Who is your doctor?

Me: Eh, Dr. Thomas Tung at Barnes.

Pompous Dad: (nods knowingly)

1st-Grade Twin #2: You have a scar? I saw this girl at a swim meet once and she had scars and I know it wasn't nice but they kind of made me want to throw up a little bit.

Me: (blank stare, thoughtfully reflecting on cruel world and unvarnished honesty of first graders)

* * *

Me to my Advisor: I just want to make sure I have all of this lined up before my trip because once I return, I'm having surgery on my arm on the 11th and then it's practically time for the semester to begin.

Advisor: Oh! (looks very concerned about mention of surgery)

Me: It's not really invasive surgery. I'm just having this scar removed. I scalded myself with hot tea.

Advisor: I haven't asked about your arm. I thought it might be imprudent.

Me: (finds this odd as people I barely know seem to think it's totally appropriate to ask me about my arm, summarizes story about how it happened in coffee room downstairs, and how I am now having reconstructive plastic surgery)

Advisor: (leaning forward eagerly) Oh my! Who is your doctor? (immediately looks embarrassed for asking impruduent question)

Me: (What is it with people wanting to know who my doctor is?) Dr. Thomas Tung.

Advisor: At Barnes? I'm sure he's good.

Me: Yeah. I googled him. He put a guy's arm back together after a motorcycle accident so I think he can handle my scar.

* * *

Everyone Freaking Person I Meet: Oh what happened to your arm?

Me: I burned it with hot tea. I'm having surgery in August to remove the gross scar.

Every Freaking Person: Or you could just get a tattoo over it! Hahahahahaha.

Me: (fake laughing) Hahahaha. (Yeah that was funny the first eleventy hundred times I heard it.)

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