Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Burns and Blood

I went back to Barnes today for a follow-up appointment for my burn.

I saw the very nice doctor who was delighted by the way the burn is healing and flattening. She told me to keep the silicone gel sheeting on it for another month and see how it looks. If it is still lumpy and gross, she will refer me to Plastics to get a shot of some kind of steroid that will melt the scar tissue and smooth it out. If I'm ok with the way it looks, I can just cancel my appointment and go along my merry way.

So here is an update:
It's hard to tell in the picture but even though it is still pink and wicked looking, it is not as raised up and 3-dimensional. I am not sure why I have to stare at the burn while taking the photo with my other hand but evidently I like to show off my profile, my bra straps, and my burn simultaneously.

And here is the silcone gel sheeting. Exciting, isn't it? (I look as though I am in love with it in this picture. Which I am. As long as it keeps shrinking the scar.) It's an $88 rectangle of silicone. This is 1/3 of it. Which I guess makes it a $29.33 rectangle in this picture. I wasn't sure how long it would last, so I threw away my first 1/3 after a week and a half. Idiot. I am going to keep this one on at least another couple of weeks. It is still stretchy and flexible. It will eventually get stiff and crusty and then I use the final piece.

And that is the stretchy tubing that I pull on over the silicone gel sheet so it will stay in place. The only time I have any trouble with it is when I'm working out and the tubing likes to roll down and then the silicone will fold back which is annoying. Otherwise it pretty well stays put. And looks awesome. Like a white fishnet arm band.

Now that my burn is healing nicely, it is about time for me to pull another stunt of breathtaking dumbness and general idiocy. Done, and done.

Let me preface this tale with two statements:

(1) If you do not want to see sort of my side-butt and my underwear, do not scroll down. (This is a private blog as in you only have the address if I gave it to you or you got it from someone I know so I have few qualms about putting my side-butt on the internet. If you don't want to see it, don't look at it.)
(2) This blog seems very interested in gross things: burns, dog-butt-stink, vomit. Today I proudly add: blood.

So I have been shaving my legs for 18 years. I started shaving my legs when I was 10 years old. I didn't need a training bra at age 10 but I did have some hairy little legs. I was complaining about them to my mom when I was in 5th grade: "My legs are hairy and grooooooss, Mom." So she suggested I shave them. Brilliant. This seemed like a great idea except I was freaked out about razors. So we decided I could Nair them. This was a bit of a fiasco. I sat in the bathroom on the edge of the tub in my underwear with my legs covered in Nair and I thought my skin was getting chemical burns. (It wasn't visibly harmed but it did burn like crazy.) So after that first Nair experiment, I just shaved my legs with the little plastic pastel Bic razors like all the other girls. I sliced the heck out of my knees all through middle school and finally got a real razor with changable blades in high school. I am sure I still cut myself a time or two, but for the most part, I figured out how to shave around bony knees and ankles and managed to avoid cutting open any major arteries.

Until today.

I am not even sure why I decided to shave my legs today. It is cold and rainy and I was going to wear pants. But something possessed me to grab my razor (a Venus with triple blades, as you will soon see) and do a quick shave. And somehow, despite 18 years of leg-shaving practice, I did some kind of weird wrist-twist as I raked the razor up my thigh and I sliced all the way up the side of my leg. I think I was pulling the razor away from my leg -- I am not usually in the practice of shaving my side-butt -- but instead of pulling away, I just twisted it and it stayed connected to my skin as I raked it back.

There was stinging.

There was blood.

There was cursing.

But it wasn't until I got out of the shower and was drying off that I realized exactly what I had done and why the one bandaid wasn't doing all that much to stop the bleeding.

Yes, that is my side-butt and some underwear. You were warned. That is also a triple-blade razor slice all the way up my thigh to my side-butt. Yes, it still hurts. And that is why I am currently wearing this instead of pants:
Note the hair clip holding my towel/bandage in place. I am resourceful. I was a Girl Scout.

Not sure how it will feel to put on pants today but I am sure it won't be especially pleasant. I guess I could wear a skirt. After all, I did shave my legs today.


  1. I can't believe you cut yourself that badly! Well, I do believe it cause I saw the pictures, but ouch. Maybe you should buy some of that liquid band-aid stuff.

  2. Could you not feel the cutting after about 1/2 inch! I really think you need to go back to Nair.

  3. The entire slice happened in about half a second. Believe me, as soon as I realized I was cutting into my leg, I stopped doing it!