Tuesday, July 19, 2016

SAHM

Last week I told David I was ready to quit my job, stay home full time, and maybe even have another baby.

Today has returned me back to reality. Coco is a reminder of how much the age of 22-26 months challenges my sanity, and why I was literally afraid to leave the hospital with her when she was an infant because I had to return home to balance the needs of a newborn with the 25 month old cyclone of toddler irrationality and stubborn willfulness that was her sister.

They were both up too late last night. It's easy to indulge them when they are being sweet and cute, but they are like gremlins. Keep them up late and [the next day] their fangs come out. (By "fangs," of course, I mean incessant whining, and by "incessant," I mean SERIOUSLY INCESSANT.)

Today I thought we'd do something fun for all three of us that also includes air conditioning: a trip to the Goodwill store!

Coco tried on several pairs of heels that must have been donated by a charity-minded drag queen, which some shoppers found hilarious, but I mostly found annoying (at least the shoes were big enough she could keep her sandals on while wearing them). Zuzu cried when I refused to purchase the following items she requested:

(1) Hello Kitty bikini bottoms, size 3T
(2) pink and gold metallic tankini halter top, size 14
(3) worn out Speedo one-piece, size 7/8
(4) green straw fedora that still had the tags on from Target's bullseye spot circa St. Patrick's Day
(5) a random sundress, size 9 months

I did score a Hanna Andersson dress and a cute Gymboree shirt with a unicorn on it that pleased her very much. They didn't have much in Coco's size that I liked, and also they really need no clothes, so I reined it in.

In the few seconds she managed to escape my line of vision, Coco scaled a smal kids bookshelf, then jumped from couch to couch, then climbed on a ten speed bicycle (that was fortunately very securely attached to a stand). She and Zuzu each got to select a book (Zuzu chose The Little Mermaid because there's nothing like teaching little girls to silence their voices in order to get a man!Coco chose something random with a cat on the cover, though she fought me for The Adventures of Tom Sawyer just because I assumed she wouldn't be interested (and we already have a copy) but when I placed it back on the shelf, she sure was mad about it.

We finally checked out and I impulse bought a green chair for my office. (How much would you pay for this chair? And should I paint it white?)


It fit nicely in the back of my CRV, except it required me to remove the double City Mini stroller that lives in the back of my car. So then I shoved the folded up stroller into the front passenger seat and drove home with it partially resting on my lap. Zuzu told me she was buckled in, and I made the mistake of trusting her (view blocked by the aforementioned anti-feminist diatribe and the maxi dress she would wear every day if I didn't hide it in the laundry). So she was only partially buckled on the way home.

Coco was exhausted but took forever to settle down and required rocking to fall asleep. Zuzu whined and whined to watch a show. Cooper freaked out when there was a sudden storm. 

The highlight of their day was receiving mermaid outfits from my aunt Terri for belated/early birthday presents, 



but the whole time they played in the kiddie pool outside, they whined for snacks, then ate all the snacks I fixed, then when I FINALLY sat down to watch them play and eat my own bowl of frozen grapes while reading a book and drinking iced tea, they swarmed me, ate all my food, fought, screamed about the chickens, fought some more, and made me so frustrated and sweaty I said we all had to go inside for baths.

And it was still an hour before David would be home from work.

I yelled a lot and made loud irritated noises with my throat, which Zuzu now does in my direction, which is the MOST irritating thing ever, but I have no one to blame but myself. 

I also caught Coco shoving some slippers down the defunct laundry chute in our hallway and further investigation revealed the chute was stuffed full of dress up clothes, Minnie and Mickey figurines, a while bunch of loose and dried out baby wipes, a pacifier, and a swim suit. The swim suit was a recent addition. No telling how long the rest of it had been down there. 

Dinner was a cluster of whining alternated with crying and also Coco's charming new party trick: she plugs her ears with her figures and just shouts to make noise.

I'm hiding in my bedroom right now with a glass of wine, and guessing from the silence downstairs that David caved and let them watch a show. It's nearly bedtime, so wish me luck.

Oh, and in case there was any doubt: We're definitely sticking with the original plan of me going back to work next month!


5 comments:

  1. For a cute chair in the office I would pay $20-$30 (since for only a little more you can get a new/cute chair from Target) and yes, I would paint it white.

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    1. Ok good! I paid $15, which I thought was a good deal because it's in such good condition and not at all weird smelling. Glossy white would be pretty sweet, right?

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  2. Lol. I call these days the trenches. Been there.

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  3. Aw man, I liked your SAHM plan.I do not take the kids shopping anymore. Between Lucas and Matthew, one of them is going to be a pain. I sometimes will take them with my mom but usually not at all. It does take a few obnoxious trips to learn better though. Lucas is so bad about buckling himself, we can never trust him to just do it and even the lectures about flying through the windshield don't help much. I know you don'r eat meat but as a sahm you need to learn the awesomeness that is McD's playlands. Kids play in huge floor to ceiling climbers in ac, you get tosit at a table and watch them/play on your phone/eat if you really want. Chik fil a has prison rooms unfortunately (tiny obnoxious play rooms with no tables and no room for parents to sit very comfortably.) Anyway, McDs is the best for burning kid energy plus giving you some peace.

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  4. I love that chair! I would've been captivated by it and the $15 tag as well. Goodwill stores in Reno (ONLY TWO TOTAL!) are nothing like the ones in Chicago. And my fave store ever, man I miss it.

    The Little Mermaid. Hmmph.

    Coco sounds a lot like Claire. Silent beasts. Well, when they aren't whining. I always know/knew when B was getting into trouble, but Claire finds a way to slide by with her antics. She stickered three of the kitchen cabinets today. In silence.

    I've been there with the buckling. Benjamin has only done the "I buckled" and hadn't story once and we drove like 3 miles! It was a horrible realization and this week, he's reduced himself to baby mode and refuses to buckle any part to help me at all. Even though he's capable of the whole dang thing.

    It's definitely the next day when the incessant whining comes out. And if Claire drops her nap that day, LORD HELP ME AND ALSO SEND WINE.

    I think I might return to work next fall. Jury still out, but definitely deliberating if we're in NV next year!

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