Mother's Day is always tricky. This year it felt like less of an event, which is saying something. I interviewed Zuzu and then read into Zuzu's answer to number 9, which made me want to cry, but otherwise it was an okay day. Good, even. My parents were in town, and I gave my mom a Vera Bradley wallet and wristlet and keychain that my brother and I went in together on. The girls made me cute things at school and David evidently got me something that hasn't come in yet... (so mysterious!).
One really nice part of the weekend was going out to dinner on Saturday. We met up with my friend Christine and her husband and we all had pizza and then walked and got ice cream. It was a nice evening, and it felt right to spend part of the night before Mother's Day talking about Eliza and about Christine's son, Matthew.
It is no exaggeration to say that I'm not sure I could have survived the past five years without the community of baby lost mamas who became real friends. It was crucial for me to connect with mamas who were on similar timelines to me, but it also helped me a lot to talk with women who were a few years ahead in their journey. While they couldn't ever promise me that everything would be okay for me, they could give me a glimpse of what it was like to live a life that has space for sorrow and happiness both, without letting the former diminish the latter. I know that people in the early days of their grief still stumble across this blog, and I hope it's something that I can do for other people.
* * *
In keeping with Where I Am Now, I saw these questions when Cup of Jo linked them from here and decided to interview Zuzu (who will turn four in less than two months!) to see what she had to say about Mommy. I abbreviated the list slightly. (Lauren at Crumbbums also interviewed her three sons and their answers are funny, too.) Her answers are sometimes accurate (#3), sometimes flattering (#15), sometimes revealing painful truths (#12), and sometimes exactly right (#17), and sometimes bizarre (I am not sure that Zuzu has ever seen me climb a tree, but I definitely used to be pretty damn good at it...).
1. What is something your mommy always says to you?
Never pick flowers.
2. What makes mommy happy?
If I don't pick flowers.
3. What makes mommy sad?
If I don't listen.
4. How does mommy make you laugh?
5. What was your mommy like as a child?
6. How old is Mommy?
7. How tall is Mommy?
8. What is her favorite thing to do?
See Megan. (Megan is my good friend from work.)
9. What does your mommy do when you're not around?
10. What is your mommy really good at?
11. What is your mommy not very good at?
I don't know
12. What does your mommy do for a job?
clean up the floors
13. What is your mommy's favorite food?
14. What makes you proud of your mom?
15. If your mommy were a character, what character would she be?
16. What do you and your mommy do together?
We do our game with squares (a matching game)
17. How do you know your mommy loves you?
Because you love me!
18. Why does Mommy love Daddy?
Because you're married.
19. Where is your mommy's favorite place to go?
20. How old was your mommy when you were born?
You were grown up and you were sixteen.
* * *
My other plans for Mother's Day this year? Finish writing the final exams I'm giving tomorrow (I'm supposed to be doing that now...). Do some more laundry. Put kids to bed early and watch Trainwreck. And flip through Lovable Livable Home and map out some summer projects/plans. Not too bad for a Sunday in May.
It would have been nice to get a preview of this year's Mother's Day when I was in such a sad place in May of 2011. (The hardest part of rereading this post is seeing how hard I was working to try to give myself a pep talk.)
Or pregnant and fearful in May of 2012. (My favorite part of this post? Why do we need a stupid day for smug people who had living babies and now demand breakfast in bed and jewelry and gift certificates on top of it. Really? Because your LIVE baby isn't enough? You want PRESENTS also, you selfish wench?)
Here's what I wrote about it--and the grief trigger of rubber duckies--in May of 2013.
May 2014 (Zuzu's teeny tiny pigtails! Oh my heart.)
May 2015 (perhaps going to the Botanical Gardens is getting to be a tradition... I still think of Coco as such a baby, but her cheeks in this post are evidence that she's actually growing up fast).