Well, it's Wednesday. And it's the first day that I've felt mostly human. I got up at 6:30am and I kind of hit a wall at 11:00am, but I had some lunch and let myself have a pop/coke/soda with lunch, and I think I'll make it through the afternoon.
Strep has definitely knocked it out of me this week. I keep thinking I should be back at 100% by now, but I'm just not quite there. We still have no Christmas decorations up, except for the lighted-but-not-decorated tree, and a couple of random things placed on an otherwise undecorated mantle. Right now the thought of emptying Christmas bins seems exhausting, and it's already December 9th, so we'll just see what happens this weekend.
I want to thank so many of you for helping me feel the love on Sunday. In a weird way, strep throat gave me an excuse to do exactly what I felt like doing anyway: lie on the couch and not have anyone expect anything of me.
I'm so appreciative of the kind messages and all of you who lit candles for me--big, huge, germy hugs and kisses for you all. I was really touched by those of you who mentioned that Eliza's story had helped you through your own grief. I freaking hate that many of us are living a life without our babies here, but I'm grateful we've managed to find each other. Solidarity in heartbreak is no consolation, but it's not nothing. So thank you, thank you, thank you. You all had me feeling weepy in the best way possible.
I have been thinking more thoughts about being 5 years out (or 5 years in, as another BLM has me saying...). I'm going to try to collect those thoughts into something semi-coherent and post soon.
For now, I've got final exams to grade, Christmas shopping to finish up, Christmas decorating to finish (or scrap), cards to get addressed and mailed, mental prep for a dental appointment on Monday (a "sticky spot" that my dentist says needs to be filled before it becomes a cavity--what the what?!), and I need to strategize for some cookie-baking this weekend (when I am reasonably confident I'll be over the strep plague). Also a Christmas party on Thursday, a Christmas dress photo session on Saturday, and a visit to Santa on Sunday. I may need to schedule in some nap time for myself was well.