Heather Spohr created some mock-ups of cards specifically for grief and child loss, and I got teary-eyed as I read them. Because they are EXACTLY RIGHT. These are the things we need to hear.
I remember feeling appalled and so pissed off at people who wished me a merry Christmas three weeks after Eliza died. I know they just wanted to acknowledge me during the holidays, but wishes of merriment felt like a huge slap in the face--even a year later. This card is much better. You can send me this card for the next million years.
|image borrowed from The Spohrs Are Multiplying|
So if your friend lost her baby and you don't know what to say? Borrow the words on one of these cards. Heather gets it exactly right.
My friend Caroline recently posted this quote from Glennon Doyle at Momastery, and I want to share it here, too:
You can't fix a friend's grief, but that's okay because grief isn't supposed to be fixed. It's not something we need to grab from each other. Grief is holy. Your friend doesn't want it taken away from her. Sometimes a mama's boundless grief is the only proof she has that she loved boundlessly. Great grief is the price of great love. So forget about making it better. Just call, or email and say: I am thinking of you. And of your baby. And I love you. And I'm so sorry.
That's all. That's all we can do. We don't have to make it better. We just have to remember.
(My bolded emphasis. Because reading that sentence just made me cry.)
Here's to boundless love and greeting cards that get it right.
P.S. How Old Navy got it wrong a year ago
A text that sent me over the edge: What NOT to say
The post I wrote on Mother's Day five years ago and waited to publish