Thursday, May 7, 2015

Getting in Fights (Except Obviously Not Really)

I took Coco to a nursing mom's group last night.

She actually nursed right before we left, so I stuck her in the carseat and popped the binky in her mouth and we hit the road.

When we walked in, I set her carseat down and an inquisitive little two-year-old boy came over to see the baby.

"Oh," his mom said to me, "He's wondering what that is! We never used a pacifier."

She said it with a smile, but it sounded as SMUG as possible.

If only I'd had an extra binky. I would have popped one in his mouth right then.

Now, I GET that there are people who choose not to use pacifiers (crazy people) (kidding). I get that there are babies who won't take pacifiers. I get that there are people who struggle with breastfeeding and maybe a binky could complicate that further. But seriously.

So then I fought her.*

* * *

Today at the park there was a mom with her seventeen-month-old toddler. He was climbing around pretty well and she was following him on the jungle gym.

Zuzu climbed up on her own and I stood underneath, pushing Coco back and forth in the stroller, hoping she'd doze off. (She didn't.)

Zuzu marched herself up the stairs to the tall twisty slide. This wasn't our usual park, but she's a master of the tall twisty slide. She has no fear and she's been going down tall twisty slides since before she turned two.

The little boy tried to follow her.

"No, no!" his mom said. "You're not big enough for that slide." (Which, granted, he really wasn't).

Zuzu launched herself down that slide as the boy and his mom headed across the bridge. I'm not sure what move she was trying to do, but she ended up twisting around and somersaulting. She's chosen to go down the slide head-first on multiple occasions, so I didn't think much of it. She came off the slide kind of fake-crying, so obviously her descent didn't quite go as planned, but she was obviously fine and looking to me for a cue as to how to react, so I just smiled at her and said, "Whoa! That was crazy!"

The other mom turns to her kid and goes, "And that's why you don't go down that slide."


I was just standing there, sort of stunned at her passive-aggressive parenting judgment, and Zuzu looked to this other mom for a cue and then started whining but she was CLEARLY just fine and so I said, "You're fine. You need to be safe on the slide." She rubbed her head and said, "I bonked." (Which, yeah, she probably did, but not very hard and also that's a daily occurrence and also: natural consequences.)

And then the other mom was all, "Oh, honey, are you okay?" to MY KID.

And then I fought her.**

* * *

I really feel totally fine about the fact that I give my baby a pacifier. Also, I have made a deliberate and conscientious decision not to hover over my kid at the playground (as much as I want to). I happen to love the fact that a binky keeps Coco from screaming in the car. I'm also proud of Zuzu for being a confident climber, jumper, and slider--her gross motor skills are one of her strengths. So it's not like I'm second-guessing my parenting choices based on these comments.

I just am a little appalled that people are so rude.

Or maybe the weirder thing is that I haven't had encounters like this before, and then I had two of them on back-to-back days. I mean, who does that?

**Didn't happen.


  1. LOL-- he does't know what a pacifier is! I totally call bullshit on that one.

  2. I didn't know that not giving your baby a pacifier was something to brag about? I'm actually impressed by the fine motor skills exhibited by my 7-month-old when it comes to the pacifier. He can pull it towards him when it appears just out of reach, put it in his mouth the wrong way and then rearrange it to make it fit. Then he rests his head to the side and goes to sleep. :)

  3. Um, Claire was 14 months when she first tackled (ON HER OWN with me videoing and knowing exactly what she was doing) her first twisty slide.

    Suck it, helicopter mom.

    I WISH my kids took pacifiers. And I practically had to pry Claire off me a couple weeks ago when I weaned her. Breastfeeding is great. But pacifiers are also great.

  4. Those comments would annoy the piss out of me!

  5. And also, true story. I have a friend who also knows another girl I know. She was recently somewhere and the other girl's her 5yo daughter told my friend that giving her daughter formula was bad for the baby and that babies need mama milk only. What that little punkass kid and her mom didn't know was that my friend HAD to wean her baby because she had a lump in her breast that had to be removed, thankfully not cancerous.

    STFU, little girl. Sometimes formula is GREAT.

  6. I have to admit, the thought; I will punch you right in your face. runs through my head way more often then is healthy but What is WRONG with people?!!

  7. WOW, some people have no tact at all! Whatever happened to 'to each his own'???

  8. Yes and yes and yes. And also? This:

  9. This crap happens all the time. We got fairly lucky with daycare and elementary school both being pretty open / accepting / diverse enough group of people that pretty much anything goes. But we hit a whole new level of this kind of Pass/Ag behavior with the middle school PTO. The majority of the kids come from a "certain" elementary school and some of those parents are a real piece of work. Entitled work.

    Brush it off. It's ridiculous, and at least you don't have to hang out with them.

    When we left the garden Wednesday morning we took the elevator down to the first floor. There were two extra people on there. The elevator made a funny noise halfway down and F giggled and said "the elevator farted". Now, I'm not a huge fan of the word "fart", but it was kind of funny. The guy said "Not me!" with a smile, but the woman gave me the most severe judgy face I've ever seen and stomped off the elevator in a huff. How dare I allow my child to speak such filth.

  10. The pacifier thing...totally ridiculous! My own MOTHER passed judgement on me when I tried to get theo to take a paci...nothing was working in the car and I needed SOMETHING SO HELP ME GOD to keep him quiet. She said things like, "oh we never THOUGHT of trying a soother,...that's what thumbs and fingers are for". Oh shut up mom!! Theo never took one, but honestly if it works, it works. Really, who cares!?

    And the passive aggressive mom!?! I would have ACTUALLY fought her. Or at least let out an audible scoff or ridiculous laugh followed by, "oh what do you know...ABOUT MY KID, bahahahaha". She's a loser. And probably has huge doubts and issues with her parenting strengths, so she has to say shit like that. There's a mom that regulates the drop in centre I take Theo to...and I give her an "oh please" regularly!!

    Kind of unrelated. Theo did slides last year (16 month old - a few twisty too!) and this year WILL NOT unless I hold his hand. What a chicken!!

  11. I literally bought every kind of pacifier I could find trying to get my youngest to take one, to no avail. I ended up with a crazy collection of them and a screaming kid who did not care. Those things are amazing - I know this because her big sister DID take them. Get them going early and often if you can!! I mean, you were at a *nursing* group, for crying out loud.

    But the slide thing?!?! How you kept, "Bitch, please!" from popping out of your mouth, I'll never know. A good friend has a girl a few months younger than mine who is unbelievably coordinated (& takes a pacifier! Some women have all the luck!), particularly relative to my own girl. As a result, we are very different parents on the playground, by necessity. At first she thought I was extremely hyper vigilant... Now she knows my daughter a bit better, and sees that I really do have to chase her around to keep her from being seriously injured. My girl constantly overestimates her own ability.

    It's not about helicopter vs free range - you parent the child you have, the way they need you to parent to parent them. I don't know why some women can't accept that - lack of experience, perhaps? But to actually step in as tho you were somehow inadequately caring for your own daughter?!? Grrrr.

  12. I almost fought someone for telling me I want my baby to be a crash-test dummy based on my brand choice of a car seat, even though I've used the same brand for years and have no issues. Ugh.

  13. Ay yi yi. Some people. And I'd put my money on you in a cat fight - you seem kind of feisty.

  14. Wow. Just... wow. :p

    I always thought a pacifier was better than having your baby suck on their thumb. You can always conveniently "lose" a pacifier at some point. Can't do that with a thumb. ;)

  15. People at parks are total dicks. I have no problems telling off some assclown kid whose parent is engrossed in their phone or nowhere in sight. I could get in real trouble which is reason number one why I shelled out the coin for our own backyard swingset. I am also known to cruise right past a park with other people and find an empty one. ~M

  16. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? I am livid on your behalf. The pacifier comment is so passive aggressive, but the woman on the park is beyond is the pale. I wish you had fought her!