Yes, that's right! I'm not cleaning up any more puddles of pee!
Because I put her ass back in diapers.
I know, I know. Stay strong! Stay the course! She'll get it eventually!
Well, people. I was having STRESS DREAMS about potty training. I'd tried little bribes and BIG prizes--Frozen jelly beans, stickers, a Minnie Mouse book--and then I threatened to throw her treats in the trash. David was giving her a Skittle just to sit on the damn potty (which she wouldn't always do).
One afternoon she pooped her pants, so we followed the protocol of rushing her to the bathroom, and dumping the turd in the toilet. "See! Poop goes in the potty!". And then she had the nerve to ask for a mother-effing treat! Are you KIDDING me?
When I woke up on Christmas Eve morning, she was dry but she wouldn't pee in the potty (screaming fit, "I dry! I DRY!"). About twenty minutes later I said, "Don't forget to tell me when you have to pee, honey!"
Approximately thirty seconds after my friendly reminder, she turned, looked at me, and peed her pants on the carpet. It was SO over.
I was SO MAD and I did not want to spend Christmas Eve pissed off at my two-year-old.
I did not want to be constantly thinking about and talking about pee and poop.
I was starting to fear for my marriage because David and I were being ragey with each other instead of being ragey with Zuzu and life was Very Unpleasant.
And I did not want to have to put down my Christmas morning mimosa in order to clean up bodily waste.
Also we were running out of laundry detergent.
So I plopped her in the bathtub, put her in diapers, and then did a Yoga for Stress Relief video.
My mom took her up for her nap that afternoon and, during the story, Zuzu sat up and started taking off her diaper. My mom asked what she was doing.
"I go pee."
That kid took off her own diaper, walked to the potty, and peed in it.
SHE IS JUST TORMENTING ME!
But we haven't had a success like that since, and we've kept her in diapers now that we're on our Holiday Tour of the Midwest.
I'm annoyed, but trying to keep perspective here. We'll try again in 30 days or so and see how things go.
And we had a very nice, puddle-free Christmas.