Monday, September 22, 2014


If it were up to me, I would sleep about 10 hours a night most nights.

I need a lot of sleep.

My brother is the same way, so I think it's genetic.

Except evidently my kids did not inherit this quality.

However, I got six hours of sleep last night IN A ROW and I feel amazing. It probably won't happen again anytime soon, but damn. It was awesome. Thank you, Coco. You rock.

# # # 

I hate the way Zuzu abuses sticker books.

My friend Jamie gave her a darling sticker book as a big-sister present. It features a fair and has all these lovely fair backgrounds--a roller coaster, a ferris wheel, games and circus tents--and the stickers are super cute.

And she puts them in all the wrong places and upside down and it's all I can do to not redirect her sticker play. I keep reminding myself that she's two and I don't need to stifle her creativity. Instead, I think perhaps I need my own sticker book.

# # #

My patience with Cooper has hit an all-time low.

I feel really bad about it, because it's not his fault. I remember having a similar issue when Zuzu was born--like I focus all my energy on the baby and I have nothing left for the dog.

He wants outside, I'm annoyed. He wants inside, I'm annoyed. He barks at the mailman, I'm furious.

I know this will pass, and Cooper will forgive me for occasionally yelling at him and he probably won't even hold all my sighs and eye-rolls against me.

# # #

I feel a little smidge guilty on the days when I take Zuzu to daycare and then all I do is nurse the baby and watch a Parenthood marathon on netflix.

It's sweet, because I watched the first couple of seasons on maternity leave with Zuzu and now I'm catching up with Coco. 

I'm almost through season 5 and omg I just want Joel and Julia to work things out! 

But still, it's weird to not do anything else all day. It's just that the baby is so cozy and also she really only likes to sleep if she's cuddled up on my chest. So, you know. What's a girl to do?

I did get a load of laundry folded, so there's that.

# # #

I keep thinking that I really need to start exercising and probably also watching what I eat.

But then I remember that my boobs still don't really fit in a sports bra.

And then David buys Fritos to go with the chili.

And then I think that I can just start exercising next week.

# # #

I do not know how to make friends.

All of my friendships have started with. " Hey, we live on the same floor of this dorm. Let's hang out." (Except we didn't actually SAY that.)

Or, "We're in the same PhD program and therefore we likely share similar neuroses and nerdiness. Let's get drunk."

Or, "Hey, we work together. Let's have lunch."

Or, "Hi, I read your blog and..."

Or,  "Hi, I read your blog and I'm sorry your baby died. So did mine."

How do you make friends outside of college, grad school, work, or the internet?

I've gone to a couple La Leche meetings and met one or two people I think would be cool to hang out with outside of a LLL meeting but I am like nervous about it. What would I say? What if they don't like me? How does one start a friendship as an adult? Especially if one is sort of weird and introverted and carrying dead baby baggage?

# # #

I made a Lazy Cookie Cake. The directions say to take a yellow cake mix, add 5 tbsp melted butter and two eggs. Mix. Then throw in a bag of chocolate chips. Spread in a greased 9x13 pan and bake at 350 for 20 minutes.

The directions did NOT say, "Eat a quarter of the pan by yourself while still warm."

But I did it anyway.

I really need to get serious about exercising.

# # #

I took Zuzu to the park after school one day last week as a special treat.


Because she got through the school day without hitting or biting anyone (specifically her teachers--she has a bit of an issue with authority figures, including her mother).

This means I am now rewarding my child for meeting the most basic expectations of social interaction.

Next thing you know, I'll be bribing her with screen time if she pees on the potty.

Oh, wait. #triedthat

# # #

Anyone else have anything shameful to confess? Come on now. We're all friends here. Weird internet friends, most of whom who have baggage, but friends all the same.


  1. Seriously?! I've had Wednesdays off since June 1, and gleefully drive 35 minutes each way to take Asher to daycare so I can 1) run errands in peace, 2) go to appointments/get my hair cut in peace, and/or 3) sit on my ass for hours watching Criminal Minds and other inappropriate-for-little-minds TV shows uninterrupted!

    Also, was the cake good? It sounds like it was, and it sounds super easy, so win-win?

    I have a really hard time masking friends, too, and even moreso since losing the twins (except for my online BLM friends, and KC, who I also know IRL). Love you girls!! But really, DH and I need a community. Not sure how to build one.

  2. I bought Gwen new, fresh, glorious, brightly-primary-colored play-do and an extruder this weekend.

    And then spent all of Sunday gritting my teeth and sitting on my hands as she gleefully mixed all the colors together into a muddy brown. I'm not normally OCD, but wow was that hard.

    I just try to look the other direction when she plays with stickers.

  3. I'm using the iPad to get my 2 year old to sit on the potty too!!!!! Also we may have watched Homeward Bound twice today :-/

  4. I bribe George to stay in bed on an almost nightly basis. We've struggled for damn near 2 years to keep that kid in his bed and/or stop him from screaming out "MAMA" until I relent and come in (because you know, I do).

  5. i pull out the ice cream to eat AFTER the toddler goes to sleep and i enjoy not sharing with her. ;)

  6. Might as well start with the most rescent and work my way back with blog catching up!!

    I love this post. As much as you might say you eat too much or aren't working off the excess weight or whatever, I'm pretty sure you're still head and shoulders above this bod right here! Ha!

    New friends are tough. And you hit the nail on the head with taking it to another level after whatever initial meet you encountered. I'm having the same struggle right now with moms at the park and play places. I've met 2 that I've become pretty chummy with. But the 2 of them know each other from work. So I'm trying not to act as a third wheel...or pick a favourite at the same time. I really want to invite them over to my house for a play date ...winter is coming and parks will be a thing of the past. And well, I like these I don't want to part ways just because it's 20 below!! But what if they don't like me as much as it seems in conversation? And oh yeah, haven't dropped the dead baby bomb yet either. Uuugggghhhh!!!

    A quarter of that warm cookie cake thing!?! Rookie ;)

  7. I confess that I feel relieved by your confession about Zuzu hitting and biting. We have had lots of issues with our two-year old hitting and clawing since we had our most recent baby. Glad to know we aren't the only ones. Also, I prefer to think of it as positive reinforcement, not bribery:)

  8. I get SO nervous trying to make new friends! I've met nearly all of my friends at various jobs that I worked at over the years. Lately I've been thinking I need some new friends, and I get so paranoid about asking them to do anything. It's like dating all over again!

  9. Six hours!!! jealous. currently watching parenthood marathon on Netflix as well...Season 1...with a baby on my chest...sigh. I'm supposed to be limiting baby girl's screentime...does turning her face away from the TV count? Exercise?what's that?? This is a foreign concept you speak of....loving the screentime for potty gotta do what you gotta mozzarella sticks and chicken nuggets are calljng

  10. Hmmmm. Well, I found your blog through what I like to call "blog routlette", where you just hit the next blog key and it takes you to something and inevitably you end up on some bizarre fundamentalist Christian site that makes you worry that you have been flagged by the FBI. BUT, since yours was normal I started reading and realized we both lived in St. Louis. So one confession is that I feel weird reading your blog when we are in the same town. Somehow it feels like spying.

    But, in a "real" confession, I omit things when I try to log my food on "my fitness pal". Omit is the wrong word. perhaps I just cap out. Like, when it's noon and I have already blown all my calories for the day, I just stop logging. I mean, what's the point? So I can have it tell me that if I keep this up, I will weigh 250 pounds in five weeks? I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.

    I am sure there's much more. Oh! I too "just had a baby" (he's nine month old) and have been trying to exercise (DVDs at home in the basement). But sometimes, I just do the start and the end of the DVD and read facebook for a few minutes in the middle so I can have some time by myself.

    So there! Hope you feel sane now!

  11. I keep thinking that if ever there's an emergency and anyone outside of my immediate family of 5 needs to enter our bedroom, I'd rather let the house burn down. Why? Why is the bedroom this, um, OH SCREW IT, THE BEDROOM IS FILTHY. There are clothes everywhere. You have to step over those clothes to get to these clothes and what's clean, what's dirty, sniff it and move on really shouldn't be happening in an adult's bedroom.

    I called in to work one day last week with the intention of doing all the stuff I wasn't able to do on the weekend. I slept after the kids were out of the house for four hours straight as though I hadn't just had 9 hours of sleep the night before. Perhaps the sleep study the doctor thinks I need is warranted after all.

    When people say they drink to unwind, they're usually referring to beer or wine. Um, I drink to unwind and for fun and because I like it. I like it a lot. But I'm drinking tequila or vodka because wine shmine.

    My 13-year-old is very pretty. I have adult acne. This isn't going to end well.

  12. Have you tried underwear under Zuzu's diaper? Wetness is not comfortable! Worked with my girls.

    My shameful confession: I would like someone to invent a for people looking for friends!

  13. I have no energy to contribute, but loved this whole thing and have HOARDS of the same to confess.

    Loved this whole thing. Write more. Please and thank you.

  14. I would absolutely sleep ten hours as well. The thing is, most nights I get at least eight and yet I still would take more. And the problem isn't even really the baby, but my inability to turn off Grey's Anatomy and get my ass to bed. When Miles works late or is gone I rarely get to bed before 11 or 12.

    Sometimes when I go through a package of cookies (Oreos mostly) too quickly, I buy another one to replace it and hide the evidence deep in the trash so Miles thinks it's the same package in the pantry and doesn't know just how fast I devour them.

    1. OMG- I do the same thing to boxes of cookies! lol

  15. Eleanor always did the stickers wrong, too. Be happy if they are at least going in the book. She started using them on doors and furniture, and by the time I realized that these stickers were very hard to remove, we had at least a dozen on our back door. I left them for over a year and persuaded my mother-in-law (who had sent them) to clean the grime from the door for me. Maybe that's my shameful confession for the day.

    It is so hard to make adult friends. We have been lucky that we have a lot of other young families on our street and have befriended some of them. Could you have a neighborhood potluck? Sounds crazy, but that's how we began our friendships. And yes, some are much more understanding of the baggage than others.

  16. Uhh, my confession is that I'm in awe of your friend-making desires (and abilities. I still use the line "wanna drink?" I get that my baggage sits in my shoulders like a monkey. I get that I USED to be fun. What I don't get is how unbelievably banal I find most other mothers (of the non babyloss variety.) As I write this I'm getting interrupted by a group text lamenting the change of coffee at the shop. Stupid, stupid, 1st world problems. I guess my confession is that now, I'm an unapologetic bitch ;)

  17. I feel the same way about sticker books and Grace- like doesn't she see how lucky she is I get her the BEST stickers and she WASTES them like they mean nothing to her.

    I also find it mildly annoying she won't even think about colouring in the lines of colouring books. Not enough to not buy them for her, though. ha.

    I find it very annoying when my husband comes home after being away all day and starts tidying up. Not because I don't want him to tidy, but because I feel like it's a jab at my tidying skills. He is doing this now and annoying me ;)

  18. Oh man, I am laughing so hard at that last bit. No judgment from me, that's for sure. One of my boys has been an absolute nutball lately. I think I need to write a confessions post!

    PS. Keep doing nothing but laying around nursing a baby all day if you can. With no guilt! That is what you are MEANT to be doing right now! :)

  19. Haha. Luke likes telling people he likes going to school now because he gets a surprise every time when I pick him up. Yes, he does. It started as a toy and we have worked our way down to a small piece of candy...maybe I should see of a sticker would work? And Matthew. That kid won't wean for anything. Sounds like you are doing great to me!

  20. "I came in like a wrecking baaaaaalll..."!! Lol"I came in like a wrecking baaaaaalll..."!! Lol"I came in like a wrecking baaaaaalll..."!! LolThis post was well timed because as I sat on the couch lamenting that my jeans feel tight and my muffin top is outta control I inhaled a bunch of graham crackers and chocolate chips. *sigh*
    So, now I have my gym clothes in a pile, my runners by the door, and my alarm set for 5:30am. I guess now that I put it out there, I guess I better get up and get'er done in the morning.

  21. 1. I cook G "cinnamon" muffins that contain blueberries, zucchini, and spinach. Oh yeah. And chocolate chips. Whatever.
    2. There is like one day a week I work, exercise, AND cook dinner. Which is my prerequisite for having had a successful day. The other six have variations of those 3 things, but not the trifecta. *sigh*
    3. I bought spinach at the store today because I didn't want to JUST buy vodka with my kid in tow at the mom and pop local store. I did need spinach too though. Kinda.
    4. G's teacher was like; G needs to work on her fine motor skills, and I'm all; You noticed she falls all the time too! Look at her knees! What do we do about that?
    I think that's it for now. I might be back.

  22. @kerwin - Zuzu is a size 6 or 6.5 right now. I would probably buy her 7's to have growing room. I would happily pay you for gently used shoes! Email me? bythebrooke (at) gmail. How funny that you found me doing blog roulette and we're both in STL!

  23. Making friends is so hard! Even when you find someone who seems to want to be your friend, too, finding the time to spend together is really hard. My confession - my "baby" turns three next week and I'm still wearing a couple of maternity tank tops that are just really comfy (and apparently indestructible). I use them as bottom layers, so no one can see that they are really long in front... but I still feel bad sometimes that I'm basically still wearing maternity clothes. I just have a hard time buying clothes for myself when I'm still carrying around 10 pounds of baby weight.