Except I just realized it's actually Wednesday, not Thursday.
So anyway. This is jumbled together and mildly incoherent, but there are a few
I saw yesterday that if you donate $250 or more to Return to Zero, they will add you to the film's credits with a thank you or an "In memory of..." Wouldn't that be awesome? I don't have an extra $250 lying around right now, but if I did! It would be pretty amazing to see "In memory of Eliza Taylor Duckworth" scrolling up the screen at the end of the movie.
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I was at Target yesterday and two things happened:
(1) Zuzu road in the cart, sitting up like a big grown up girl, and got about a million compliments for just being adorable. The checkout lady said she should be on television, and then added that she doesn't say that about every baby. hashtag shamelessbragging.
(2) I discovered the Radish scent of Mrs. Meyers soaps and cleaners and fell IN LOVE with it. You guys, I don't know what radishes smell like, but this is amazing. It smells like grass and springtime and clean dirt and fresh salad without dressing. It is delicious. Get you some.
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Zuzu slept like hell Sunday and Monday nights. I was actually in tears Monday night when she started crying at 11:30 because WTF? WHY ISN'T SHE SLEEPING? Why did she sleep better at two months old than she does at seven months old? Why does she think she has to eat every three hours all night long? Why does she have to not just cry but SCREAM like that? Like a banshee. Or a crazed primate. Why doesn't she just try waterboarding on top of sleep deprivation?
And of course there's always the twinge of baby-loss guilt in the back of my mind, saying in her snarky little Pollyanna tone, At least you HAVE a baby waking you up four times a night! So yeah, not complaining. Too loudly anyway.
The thing about Zuzu is that she absolutely insists on eating before she goes back to sleep. There is no popping in the pacifier and turning on the magical crib aquarium. Oh no! That worked for a while, but no more! It is all boob and nothing but the boob! I don't know what kind of instrument you use to measure decibels because my brain is not functioning so well after three nights of ridiculously spotty sleep, but I would like to have one so I could measure how loudly this child can scream. David gets offended sometimes at how she will lunge away from his arms and reach for me. It would be endearing if (1) she wasn't just using me for my boobs and (2) I wasn't so freaking tired my eyelids feel like sandpaper.
Last night she slept relatively well, waking up once at 11:30 (bah!) and not again until almost 5 (still two hours earlier than I would like!). But she has me too well trained! I was up at 2am and couldn't get back to sleep until after 3. I woke up again at 4 and saw David had moved to the living room to watch TV because he wasn't sleeping either. I can't really remember what 8 hours straight feels like since I've been getting up to pee and/or nurse a baby for the past sixteen months. I wonder sometimes if I will ever sleep for eight hours in a row again? I have to say, after all we've been through, I appreciate having a reason to get up in the middle of the night (an adorable reason, actually, and no, I'm not talking about my bladder), but I hope to someday appreciate what it feels like to sleep through the night without interruption. Maybe in like twenty years or so?
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We were back at the pediatrician's office on Monday for a flu shot. I popped the pacifier in her mouth and Zuzu didn't even CRY. She is so much braver than her mommy. The nurse does the injecting, but the doctor stopped in to say hello and Zuzu actually gave him one of her big charming smiles. (She does this thing where she beams at people who say hi to her, but then she coyly ducks her head into my shoulder and continues to grin at them while looking out the corner of her eye. It is basically THE CUTEST THING EVER.) The doctor said, "She's a happy baby!" and I said, "Yes she is." Then he said, "And you're a happy mom. That's a good combination: happy mom, happy baby."
I would replay that conversation in my head in the wee hours of the following morning as I was deliriously tired and Zuzu was anything but happy. Still, it was a nice moment, to know that our happiness is visible to other people when I thought that I would radiate nothing but sadness for so long.
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Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and a home-with-Zuzu day, so although I'll have to do a little bit of work, we plan to drive out to David's work to have a Valentine lunch with him and then maybe do a little shopping near his school. Our romantic evening plans include Qdoba take out for dinner (I've been looking forward to this for WEEKS!) and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves on the DVR. I haven't ever seen it all the way through but it has one of the most romantic songs ever: Bryan Adams's "Everything I Do [I Do It For You]," which at one time I thought I would have sung at my wedding (I didn't, but I kind of wish I would have). For these reasons, it is now our Valentine Date Night Movie.
The chances of both of us managing to stay awake long enough to get through it? Well, we'll see how well we sleep tonight.