Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Karaoke Queen

I don't have a drop of musical talent.

No, no.  I'm not just being modest.

I really wish I could sing.  I was a total theater geek in high school.  I loved performing.  (I think that's why I chose the career path I did--most of the time I feel like I'm an actress playing a professor).  I always wanted to do musical theater, but I just don't have an ear for music. I can't carry a tune.  I have no sense of tone or pitch--except enough to know that I can't hit a note.

My brain is just not musically wired.

It's really unfortunate, because not only did this lack of talent prevent me from being a musical sensation of Lady Gaga or Taylor Swift proportions, it also means that I pretty much suck at karaoke.  And I love karaoke!

Despite knowing the limitations of my talent, I still long for the spotlight of karaoke night.  In order to overcome the voice of reason in my head stage fright about singing in public, I require the liquid courage of more vodka tonics than anyone should consume in one evening.  Once I've met that requirement... all bets are off.  I will sing my heart out to a bar full of drunk people.  David is just as tone-deaf as I am, so we can bring down the house with our rendition of "Total Eclipse of the Heart."

Since I no longer find the hangover to be worth the indulgence, and our evenings spent in karaoke bars these are few and far between (read: nonexistent), we have not done our "Total Eclipse of the Heart" duet since about 2007 (not counting all the times we've sung it to ourselves/each other in the car).  (I'm not sure I've had a vodka tonic since then either, come to think of it...)  It's true that our voices are not exactly melodious instruments, but I like to think that I can wow the crowd with an emotional delivery that makes up for the utter lack of talent.

Obviously there are many reasons I have no business going out and singing karaoke.  And yet this lack of creative expression seems to have left a gap in my life!  So you can imagine my delight when I discovered that I have a newly appreciative audience right in my own home.

This morning Zuzu was sitting in her lobster chair and getting a little fussy as I folded laundry.  So I started singing for her. (A fabulous take on Bob Dylan's "Forever Young," if you're wondering--I used my cup with a drinking straw as my microphone.)   And this is the response I got:

Encore, Mommy! Encore!  
(Also, doesn't this hat make my cheeks look especially delicious?)
Look at that face!  FINALLY!  Someone recognizes how awesome my singing performances are!

Perhaps she was totally laughing at how embarrassing and ridiculous I am.  Meh.  Same difference.

The fact is, Zuzu loves my singing.  No matter how horrible.  In fact, the louder and crazier I am, the better.

I'm totally thinking I should ask Santa for a karaoke machine.  Really.  It's not for me, you guys!  It's for the baby!


  1. Ha ha ha!! I cannot carry a tune either and Lils loves my singing! I must admit, it makes me feel awesome!

    Look at those cheekers!!!

  2. Try dancing and shaking your head from side to side while singing with a spatula?

    That gets B going.

    Also, tone deaf as they come as well. My last karaoke appearance was, I believe, 2006 at Pitcher House in Hermosa Beach singing Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name" with my (now) husband but not yet at the time boyfriend, Elliot, in the crowd.

  3. You're lucky. I too cannot carry a tune (my husband, who CAN, has had to ask me to desist from singing in his presence), so I didn't naturally gravitate to lullabies. Three months ago, though, we were en route from Tilburg to Rupperstecken, and our ride was late (an hour late) picking us up, so there I was outside the Mainz train station with an increasingly tired and fractious baby, so finally I tried singing to her. A look of fascinated horror crossed her face like I've never seen before. She did stop crying, but I think it's because she was stunned into submission.

  4. Awesome-- also a tone deaf frustrated performer. Love your captive audience-- too cute (and the hat is fab)

  5. Tone deaf here too! In elementary school they did some kind of music test to tell us what instrument we were best suited for and my results came back with NOTHING! Jerks.

    You should definitely get a karoake machine and have a baby karoake night!

  6. My last karaoke was Spring Break '05 with two of my girlfriends singing "Any Man of Mine". . . .probably best that I haven't done it since.

    And yes, those cheeks look mighty tasty!

  7. I once requested "You're still the one" Shania and it was great until my song came on at the end of the night, and omg I had sobered up by that point... Awful. I'm terrible.

    Grace loves when I sing, too. That or she's smiling to distract me from singing. ha.

  8. My last karaoke was to "I Will Survive" just weeks after I left my husband at my best friend's bachelorette party. I also announced to the bar that I was very available. No-so-shockingly, I got a grand total of zero numbers that night.

  9. I am a mean karaoker...if I do say so myself. The best singer? The jury is still out on that one.

    It was early April of 2011 when I last stepped foot into a karaoke bar. And it wasn't even a "karaoke" was just a random Wednesday night, and 3 friends and I went out to a bar...and there was a mic at the front. Wha? And we all loved to sing, and make asses of ourselves on dance floors, so yeah, we put in a request! My friend picked "like a prayer", and we were gonna do a duet. But she didn't know the words! So it was all me! It rocked, and so did I ;)

    I love that Caro loves your singing. I had a-many singing for my baby day dreams while pregnant, and it wasn't just in the lullaby sort. I love to rock out all dramatic like, and coud only assume my babe would love it too.

    That's one yummy lookin' baby you've got there! And your #1 fan I'm sure. Aw

  10. I can't carry a tune, or dance. But, the girls and I love to do both at home. Who doesn't love a good dance party in the privacy of your own home? It's the car that gets them. Apparently dancing in the car for the world to see at the stoplight is somewhat embarrassing to your children??? Eh, oh well! :)

  11. I love how these babies just think we hung the moon. Davey loves my dancing, and I have like, negative rhythm.

  12. Judging by the responses, perhaps you should get all your blog readers together for a little choir rehearsal. Sounds like there are a bunch of "lovely" voices there!

    aryanhwy's "stunned into submission" was too funny.

  13. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you sang Bob Dylan's Forever Young to your daughter. My dad used to sing it to me when I was growning up - and then we danced the Father / Daughter dance to it at my wedding. I just teared up thinking about it. Great song, great message to your child.

  14. Love me some karaoke! (No talent here!) We DO have a karaoke machine though! It has been the highlight of many many fun nights:) Caroline looks like she is having so much fun watching you-so sweet!I think it's the perfect gift.