Wednesday, May 30, 2012

A Public Apology to Cooper

As you know, we lost Dixie-the-Chicken just over a week ago.

RIP, Dixie
The situation:

(1) Dixie was missing.

(2) No DNA evidence available in the form of blood or feathers.

(3) Loretta and Wynona were still in the coop.

(4) There was a big hole in the side of the pen.

(5) Cooper was INSIDE the pen.

Damning evidence against Cooper:

(1) The accused had demonstrated much interest in and curiosity about the chickens--far more than Little Mac.  His quivering enthusiasm for his chikn sisters suggested that he would eat one if he could.

I luv u, Chikns!

Cooper:  OMG!  Look at 'em chikns!!!!
Little Mac:  WTF. I am so over chikns. 
(2) He has been known to chase small critters (mostly bunnies).

But I haz never catched them. Sigh.
(3) He can use his paw to open the back door if it's not latched; therefore he could have ripped at the chicken wire until it pulled away from the corner of the pen.

(4) He was caught INSIDE the chicken pen, peering at the chickens in the chicken coop.

(5) He has a serious appetite.

Did u say DINNER?


Reasonable Doubt:

(1) There was no mess whatsoever.  Cooper tears apart his squeaky toys, holding them down with his paws and ripping off their heads.  There was NO evidence of that kind of violence at the scene.

(2) Diligent observation of Cooper's digestive waste indicated no presence of feathers or bones.

(3) Look at this face!  He's the sweetest boy in the world.

Hey girl, come back to bed and let's haz a snuggle.
Reason for Acquittal:

On Friday night, we sat out on the deck with friends.  David had repaired the chicken pen, and discussed further security measures with our friends.  Cooper spent his time hanging out on the deck getting his ears rubbed.  He was not over by the chicken coop.  He was never left outside unsupervised.

Saturday morning, we discovered this:

Another big hole in the pen!
But we KNEW it was NOT created by Cooper.  Which means two things:

(1) There is an unknown predator lurking in our neighborhood!

(2) My precious little snuggle buddy is not a chicken killer!

U no trust me?
Please consider this my public apology to Cooper, whose guilty conviction has been overturned.  He was the unfortunate victim of circumstantial evidence, and we now believe him to be innocent of all charges.  Although we recognize that he is, sadly, probably not above tearing apart a baby chick, he has not actually done so.

Of course we're still sad that Dixie is gone, but we're also relieved that she wasn't murdered by her dog brother.

As for the unknown predator, it was unable to get at the chickens on Friday night, as we always make sure their coop is shut up before we go to bed.  We have found no trace of this killer, but I've already accused and convicted the new guilty part in my head.  I think it's an Evil Assassin Opossum.  With their damn opposable thumbs, pulling back the chicken wire.  I could gag just thinking about it.

David has doubly secured the chicken pen, and we'll continue to close up the coop at night so that even if something got into the pen, it couldn't get into the coop.

And Cooper got lots of extra loving to make up for the grievous error in judgment.  I think he's forgiven us.

A chew treat and an ear massage

Kisses for David

Snuggling in the car
The plot thickens as we consider one possible accomplice to Evil Assassin Oppossum:

I haz no interest in chikns.  But I like to see Cooper in trouble.  Tee-hee-hee.


  1. "I think it's an Evil Assassin Opossum. With their damn opposable thumbs, pulling back the chicken wire."

    Bwhahahahha. You are hilarious, Brooke.

  2. I have to tell you I was conducting a mental trial of Cooper since I read the post about missing Dixie. It's tough to indict for murder when no body is found. But I'm glad Cooper is exonerated and back in your good graces. Peggy

  3. haha I was laughing through the whole post. I'm glad your dog did not murder his chicken sister too :)

  4. Brooke, you crack me up. Love the photos as well as the Dragnet-style commentary!

  5. This was SO FUNNY!! Poor poor Cooper, I'm so glad sibling rivalry didn't get the best of him.
    I hope you've figured out how to keep the true criminal away from the precious Cheep Cheeps. (What ours are still named.)

  6. Oh, this is so cute, love this! Sorry to hear Chickie Dixie wasn't recovered. I actually held a opposum at a petting zoo near here -- uuucckkyy looking animal up close. Lol.

  7. This made me smile. :o)

    I'm so glad that the guilty verdict has been overturned and that Cooper has been acquitted. What a sweetie he is.

  8. Classic! You are a brilliant story teller!

  9. You sure are one hell of a story teller. Glad your little snuggler is no murder.

  10. I don't think he minds the extra web attention! I bet he was in the coop to tackle the opossum. So, when should have been rewarded for saving the life of the other little ones, guess he might have been terribly confused with all the silent treatment! My heart melts seeing those beagly eyes..
    Great post :-)

  11. Holy shit I needed this laugh!!!!!!!!