Thursday, April 26, 2012

Sparkle

I posted a long time ago about the jewelry that I put on everyday.  Reminders of my family and friends, symbols of my marriage and my baby, little sparkly chains and charms that made me feel like I could make it through the day.

A few months ago, I was at Target and I spotted this necklace.  The card it was attached to said, "Be Brave."  I think I took a closer look because it was in the early weeks of this pregnancy and I was feeling very not-brave.

As I held up the charm so I could read the inscription, my heart skipped a beat.

I am always with you.  Be brave, have courage, and love life.


I had seen this message on a larger necklace and charm that I admired elsewhere, but when it was suddenly staring me in the face at Target (for less than $20), I couldn't pass it by.

I have a few simple, sentimental necklaces that I wear in rotation--one has a silver disc with Eliza's name on one side and her birthdate on the other that some of my best friends gave me for Eliza's birthday last year.  One is a heart inscribed with "Have Hope" that my mom bought me in a little jewelry shop on Granville Island last summer--that trip to Canada was, I think, the first time I really took a deep breath after losing Eliza.  I have a little gold coin I bought as a souvenir in Italy that still reminds me of Tuscan sunshine and gelato and walking through the streets of Florence at night.

I still wear Eliza's bracelet every single day, while I switch out other jewelry depending on what I'm in the mood for or what goes with the clothes I'm wearing.  I remember being afraid to wear her bracelet in the early days of my loss because what if someone asked me about it?  I couldn't respond without crying.  Fortunately, no one ever did.  But that's something else I love about this necklace--I know exactly what it means, and how much it means to me, but it's also kind of a private message.  Just between me and Eliza.  It's exactly what I would have wanted her to know if it had been me who died instead.

My jewelry consists mostly of inexpensive costume jewelry, but I do have a few "nice" pieces I've received as gifts that still are most meaningful to me because of their sentimental value.  Most days, thought, I bypass everything in my jewelry box to wear this inexpensive necklace from Target.  I think I turn to this necklace more and more often because I want so desperately to believe what it says.  I'm trying to be brave.  I know that courage doesn't mean not be scared; it means moving forward in spite of fear.  I want to love life (and there are more and more days when I think that I do).  And, above all, I want to hold on to the thought that Eliza is always with me.  I carry her in my heart, of course, but I like to think that in my best moments, she sparkles on the outside, too.



P.S.  I'm not sure if it's still available in stores, but if you're interested, you can order it through the website here.

15 comments:

  1. We have 3 tokens my sil gave us when we were still at SickKids with Jack with an angel engraved on one side, and "always with you" engraved on the other. One for each of us, and Jack was cremated with the token taped to the palm of his hand (*cries*).

    Scott used to carry it in his pocket for presentations or days where he particularily missed his boy but worried he might lose it... A few months ago he bought a white gold chain, had a hole punched in the token, and wears it every day.

    Love the necklace Brooke, love.

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  2. Beautiful.

    For my birthday this year, josh gave me a necklace with a miniature canister/locket/urn on the end. I keep some of Margot's ashes in it and it may be the best gift I've ever received.
    - Kari

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  3. Just lovely. I wear a necklace from "Heart on Your Wrist"...they make some great personalized pieces. But I like this enough to go to Target on my way home from work tonight!

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  4. When I read your orginal post, I had been up in the air about mementos, especially with jewelry. Well, not up in the air, I really really wanted it, but was scared, like you, that someone would ask about it, that I'd have to explain. I was also worried about judgement, that people would think I was advertising my loss when it should be "private". My brain my brain, my own worst enemy.

    Because of your post I had the courage to buy a necklace with Little T's name and birthday that I wore every day until I bought a new one; with Litte T and Little M's name on it. It brings me comfort, so I thank you for that post. This one as well. It is a beautiful necklace, and words we all need.

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  5. I love the message! I also love the mother tree version for $380.00. The thing is, we need hope wherever we can find it and sometimes it's in a charm hanging around our necks next to our hearts.

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  6. I really need to read your message here tonight. Thank you for sharing.

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  7. I really need to read your message here tonight. Thank you for sharing.

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  8. Love this necklace- it's perfect!

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  9. Thank you so much for the idea! I hinted that I wanted this, and my hubs bought it for me for Bereaved Mothers Day. It made my day for sure. <3

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