Monday, September 19, 2011

Love is Like Life

Eliza's death changed everything.  My life.  My perspective.  My marriage.  My friendships.  Some good changes, some bad, mostly sad.  Everything is different.  I think there's nothing in my life that hasn't changed since she died.  Except how much I love her.

It blows my mind, sometimes, to think that everything in my entire life is different without her here.  Nothing is as right as it should be, nothing is as good as it could have been.  But I love her perfectly, completely, unconditionally.  Living or dead, it makes no difference.

I ordered this print the moment I saw it.

image:  tagteamtompkins etsy shop

And now it's hanging in my dining room.  I had to have it--not just because I love Emily Dickinson (although it's true that I first knew I wanted to study literature when I was eleven years old and my grandma Vance gave me a book of Emily Dickinson's poetry), and not just because Emily Dickinson happens to share her initials with my daughter (although that detail makes me smile).

But because the truth of this statement took my breath away.  It was something I'd never fully formulated before, but it was such a simple notion, and so obvious.  Love doesn't begin with being born and end with being dead.

I loved that baby before her heart started beating, when she was just a cluster of cells and two pink lines on a pregnancy test.  And I'll continue to love her even though her heart stopped beating and none of my dreams for her came true.

I'm not sure about many things anymore, but this?  This I'm absolutely certain about.

I'll love her as long as I live.  And then longer.

15 comments:

Just Me said...

I love you Brooke.

Becky said...

Completely agree!

B. Wilson said...

God, me too. I have the same feelings and there's no doubt in my mind. If there is anything I'm certain about, it's definitely my love for Andrew.

The print is beautiful and the initials just icing on the cake.

Addi's mom said...

Oh, Brooke, that is beautiful and perfect and SO true! Thanks for sharing it! And the initials being the same are a total bonus!

erica said...

Beautiful. I'm glad you have it in your dining room. Emily knows what she's talking about.

Caroline said...

love it.

Love's mom FOREVER said...

Perfect and true. Thanks for sharing.

Tiffany said...

So true. Amazing how 1 tiny person can change us so much.

cullensblessings said...

Totally completely 100 million percent agree. Love, love, love Brooke. Some days it seems all that we have.

Missy said...

Agreed! Love to you Brooke and your precious ED.

Hope's Mama said...

Perfect, perfect, perfect.
This post, the quote and your daughter.
xo

loribeth said...

Yep. : )

LauraJane said...

Ugh, I'm tearing up.

I love the initial thing. And I love that print- it looks letterpressed, is it? I LOVE LETTERPRESS.

And yes, that love began with two pink lines and hopes and dreams, and didn't end when her life was cut painfully short. Forever and ever.

Angie said...

Love this.

Natasha said...

So beautiful.....love this so much ♥