Monday, September 19, 2011

Love is Like Life

Eliza's death changed everything.  My life.  My perspective.  My marriage.  My friendships.  Some good changes, some bad, mostly sad.  Everything is different.  I think there's nothing in my life that hasn't changed since she died.  Except how much I love her.

It blows my mind, sometimes, to think that everything in my entire life is different without her here.  Nothing is as right as it should be, nothing is as good as it could have been.  But I love her perfectly, completely, unconditionally.  Living or dead, it makes no difference.

I ordered this print the moment I saw it.

image:  tagteamtompkins etsy shop

And now it's hanging in my dining room.  I had to have it--not just because I love Emily Dickinson (although it's true that I first knew I wanted to study literature when I was eleven years old and my grandma Vance gave me a book of Emily Dickinson's poetry), and not just because Emily Dickinson happens to share her initials with my daughter (although that detail makes me smile).

But because the truth of this statement took my breath away.  It was something I'd never fully formulated before, but it was such a simple notion, and so obvious.  Love doesn't begin with being born and end with being dead.

I loved that baby before her heart started beating, when she was just a cluster of cells and two pink lines on a pregnancy test.  And I'll continue to love her even though her heart stopped beating and none of my dreams for her came true.

I'm not sure about many things anymore, but this?  This I'm absolutely certain about.

I'll love her as long as I live.  And then longer.

15 comments:

  1. God, me too. I have the same feelings and there's no doubt in my mind. If there is anything I'm certain about, it's definitely my love for Andrew.

    The print is beautiful and the initials just icing on the cake.

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  2. Oh, Brooke, that is beautiful and perfect and SO true! Thanks for sharing it! And the initials being the same are a total bonus!

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  3. Beautiful. I'm glad you have it in your dining room. Emily knows what she's talking about.

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  4. So true. Amazing how 1 tiny person can change us so much.

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  5. Totally completely 100 million percent agree. Love, love, love Brooke. Some days it seems all that we have.

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  6. Agreed! Love to you Brooke and your precious ED.

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  7. Perfect, perfect, perfect.
    This post, the quote and your daughter.
    xo

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  8. Ugh, I'm tearing up.

    I love the initial thing. And I love that print- it looks letterpressed, is it? I LOVE LETTERPRESS.

    And yes, that love began with two pink lines and hopes and dreams, and didn't end when her life was cut painfully short. Forever and ever.

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  9. So beautiful.....love this so much ♥

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