It blows my mind, sometimes, to think that everything in my entire life is different without her here. Nothing is as right as it should be, nothing is as good as it could have been. But I love her perfectly, completely, unconditionally. Living or dead, it makes no difference.
I ordered this print the moment I saw it.
|image: tagteamtompkins etsy shop|
And now it's hanging in my dining room. I had to have it--not just because I love Emily Dickinson (although it's true that I first knew I wanted to study literature when I was eleven years old and my grandma Vance gave me a book of Emily Dickinson's poetry), and not just because Emily Dickinson happens to share her initials with my daughter (although that detail makes me smile).
But because the truth of this statement took my breath away. It was something I'd never fully formulated before, but it was such a simple notion, and so obvious. Love doesn't begin with being born and end with being dead.
I loved that baby before her heart started beating, when she was just a cluster of cells and two pink lines on a pregnancy test. And I'll continue to love her even though her heart stopped beating and none of my dreams for her came true.
I'm not sure about many things anymore, but this? This I'm absolutely certain about.
I'll love her as long as I live. And then longer.