Monday, February 15, 2010

Weekend Visitors

This weekend I watched the Olympics and remembered that I like to knit.

Also, my cousin Amanda and her husband Dan came to visit.  The husbands regressed into adolescence and 'Manda and I became Grand Theft Auto widows.

So we went to Trader Joe's and then we busied ourselves with sewing projects--finally making decorative pillows out of some fancy home decor fabric scraps my mom gave me.

When we were little girls, Amanda and I always played pretend games in which I would boss her around and she would start out humoring me but would grow increasingly resistant and then we would fight.  This time we managed to avoid fighting but, in keeping with tradition, we played a pretend game I invented and named "Sweatshop" in which I cut and pinned fabric pieces and made Amanda do all the sewing and then I loudly berated her when she stopped to get a drink or go to the bathroom.

I know.  What a fun game, right?

Let me tell you, I can get a lot of sewing done when I have someone else here to do the actual sewing.

There were, however, some tense moments in the sewing process:

Dilemma 1: It's snowing and I have no matching thread for this material and I don't want to get back out and drive in this because I am lazy and Amanda is from the south and gets very nervous about driving in the snow!

Resolution:  I was once in a wedding that required me to wear a taupe champagne-colored bridesmaid dress and this thread I bought when I made my mom alter the dress for me is a perfect match.  (I knew wearing taupe champagne would earn me some karma points eventually because at the time it completely washed me out and made me look consumptive.)

Dilemma 2:  These scraps of fabric seem too small for the pillows I want to stuff in them!

Resolution:  "Nut up or shut up."  This was a line from Zombieland that Amanda threw out at me when I was fretting about whether to make the cut I needed to make to allow for a removable pillowcase.  I took her words to heart and sliced through the fabric and it ended up working out just perfectly, in part because I was stuffing them with feather pillows that were wonderfully forgiving.  (Feather throw pillows I received as a wedding gift that originally came encased in lovely silk pillow cases that have since gotten drooled on, spilled on, shed on, and otherwise become entirely unusable.  Tragic.)

Dilemma 3:  Just when all appeared to be going well, I screwed up and cut one of the pillow pieces in the wrong place!

Resolution:  One of the two back panels had to become the front panel.  This required the ripping out of one seam, but then it was fine because I was able to get all the stripes to align perfectly and Amanda stitched them into place and we just might have a future in making couture home decor out of cast off material.

We also made some more of my sweatshop's other specialty: burp cloths!  Perhaps you're thinking, how many burp cloths does the world need?  Well, my friends continue to populate the world like we are acting out the Genesis story, so the answer is several.  Or, as people say in St. Louis, pretty many.

Later that night, during a "festive" round of board games I got annoyed with David for being clearly and inappropriately biased against me while playing Apples to Apples and he said that he hates playing "word games" with me because I take things so personally and I have to be so literal about them.  Then I got totally offended that he said I was being literal because I think there is a huge difference between literal and logical but how can you argue with someone bound and determined to be irrational?  You can't.

Our argument was quickly forgotten when Amanda read aloud a card that was so hilarious that Dan and I started laughing so hard we were both crying. 

Amanda said:  "Earwigs: Nocturnal insects with upside-down pinchers"

But Dan and I both heard Amanda say:  "Earwigs: Nocturnal anal sex with upside-down pinchers."

And from that point on, all I had to do was stare at Dan and make a pinching gesture with my fingers to make him start laughing and he has the most contagious laugh ever so then we were all laughing, even Amanda, who wanted us to be perfectly clear that she had not said anal sex and obviously something was wrong with our hearing.

See how fun a weekend at my house is?  Who wants to come visit?

All in all, I had a lovely, low-key weekend and I hope it was a relaxing weekend away for Dan and Amanda.  They won over the dogs by bringing them "Bow-Wow Popcorn."  Yes, specialty popcorn for dogs in roasted-chicken flavor.  How delicious.  Little Mac and Cooper were both wild for it and have officially declared Dan and Amanda their favorite visitors.  Mac even allowed them to pet her briefly.   A win-win all around, even if I lost Apples to Apples.

No comments:

Post a Comment