Monday, February 23, 2009

Uh Muh Guh!!! Pantry Emergency!!!

We are in dire straits here, folks.

I just discovered that our kitchen shelves are missing an item that I do not think we have ever completely run out of in all our married lives. I am not sure how we will go on.

I should preface this by saying that we don't have a real pantry. Our "pantry area" in our kitchen holds a stackable washer and dryer. While it would be nice to have that space for our dried lentils and canned capers and such, the truth is we don't keep much in the way of dried lentils or canned capers and such. We do have some canisters of pasta, but those we just keep out on the counter. So a pantry is something I have learned to live without and do so without much trouble (until I visit friends with luxurious pantries and envy them while I am in their kitchens. Then I leave and promptly forget about it).

Not having a pantry means we don't buy much in bulk and unless we diligently menu-plan and grocery shop accordingly (damn you New Year's RESOLUTIONS!!!) we always run out of stuff. I try to keep a can of vegetarian chili and a can of mushroom soup around for those evenings when I find myself screeching "OMG IT IS 7.30PM AND IF I CAN'T WARM UP SOMETHING WITH SOY CRUMBLES IN THE MICROWAVE I WILL STAB SOMEONE." But we even run out of those things sometimes.

And yet, in this small kitchen, we always always always have two staples on hand:
1) Tortilla Chips
2) Cheap Wine

Because if there is no can of soy to nuke for dinner, I can (happily) make a meal out of these two staples. Yay! Chips and wine! My favorite!

As I think I've mentioned, I've been doing more cooking of late (oh you New Year's Resolutions, how I dutifully attempt to abide by you) and it hasn't been half bad, really. I even kinda like it sometimes. But it is ONLY fun when someone else is there to say "This is awesome, honey!" or "OMG I see why these Magic Marshmallow Crescent Puffs totally won a cooking contest!" Cooking for myself... bleh.

So I used to make a meal out of tortilla chips fairly often when I was a single girl and lived alone. Seriously. "Dinner" looked something like this:
Monday: microwave popcorn and cheese
Tuesday: bowl of cereal
Wednesday: bread and olive oil
Thursday: frozen waffles
Friday: tortilla chips and salsa

Not to worry; I would healthify these "meals" by eating side dishes of apples and baby carrots. (It is no wonder that I quickly lost the weight I had gained during my "What are you allergic to? You should be on steroids? Now you won't get hives? But your face will get very fat! Because steroids make you gain weight just like a professional baseball player! And guess what? You are not allergic to beer! And now you are 21!" phase in college. Most of weight loss was due to stress that made me feel Sad. Not Hungry. whenever I tried to eat. Oh, and the fact that I was eating a bag of popcorn for dinner. My first year of graduate school hit me with a triple whammy: I was completely wigging out about the demands of graduate school and my lack of preparedness; at the same time I was pining for long-distant boyfriend; and simultaneously finding myself utterly incapabile of living alone and cooking for self after years of indulgent lunch-packing parent followed by snacking roommates, well-stocked mini-fridges, and all-inclusive campus dining hall. I am not endorsing this as a diet plan and I do not recommend it.)

Tonight D is home and we are "cooking" up our version of Qdoba burritos. This is one of my favorite meals and is always best with a side of tortilla chips, of course.

Of course.



This has never happened.

I cannot IMAGINE how they did not make it on the last grocery list. This is simply an unforseen event and we are still reeling from it.

Tonight I guess we eat burritos. WITHOUT CHIPS.

Thankfully, we do have a bottle of cheap red wine.

And life goes on.

Bon appetit!


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. "OMG IT IS 7.30PM AND IF I CAN'T WARM UP SOMETHING WITH SOY CRUMBLES IN THE MICROWAVE I WILL STAB SOMEONE." - This is the least appetizing meal I can imagine. And I say this having recently consumed healthy doses of seaweed and raw octopus arm.